Hopefully, She Got The House

| Rhode Island, USA | Romantic | June 5, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, yes, I’m calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, if I can have your name, I’ll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out.”

Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in 3 seconds flat* “Straightened out? D**n right you’re going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room, I’ll be d**ned if we’re paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn’t even a BAR there!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed–”

Guest: “That’s just IT! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is _______ and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There’s another charge on there for the 17th, I want this fixed!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand, ma’am. I’m looking now, ma’am… okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I’m showing that someone by the name of [husband] stayed on the 17th.”

(There’s dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.)

Guest: “What?”

(At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn’t: another name is listed on the screen with her husband’s for the June 17th stay, and it’s NOT HERS.)

Me: “Um… ma’am?”

Guest: “I see. You’ve been very helpful.”

Me: “Thank you ma’am. Can I help you with anything else today–”

(At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Then I get another phone call…)

Me: “Thank you for calling, how–”

Guest’s husband: “I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b**ch! You dumb little c**t, you probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s**thole hotel for every penny it’s worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!”

Me: *click*

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

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Beauty And The Beast

| Charleston, SC, USA | Romantic | May 30, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, could you speak up?”

Customer: “Yes, sorry. So that’s a large pepperoni pizza and…”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Sorry. Do you have chicken wings?”

Me: “Yes. Hot, mild, lemon pepper–”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Sorry. An order of hot wings, then. Do you have 2-liter drinks?”

Me: “No, but–”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Could you ask your friend to please quiet down?”

Customer: “He just needs some din-din before bed.”

Me: “Children can be testy this late at night.”

Customer: “Oh no, it’s my husband.”

Me: “Is it too late to change your mind?”

Customer: “Not yet. We got married today.”

Me: “… congratulations?”

Related:
All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash
Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Romantic | May 23, 2008

(Note: I was one of the quickest and most efficient cashiers at my store, and often received positive comments about this from the customers.)

Wife: “My, you’re just whizzing along! I can’t believe how fast you are!”

Husband: “Didn’t you know? That’s the store’s new policy. They only hire fast women.”

Me: *chuckles good-naturedly*

Wife: “Don’t mind my husband. We only let him out on weekends.”

Related:
Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

Fully Armed And Operational Feminine Wiles

| Boston, MA, USA | Romantic | May 7, 2008

(A very attractive woman gets out of a Mercedes. She is wearing a mini skirt and halter top. Her outfit leaves nothing to the imagination.)

Attractive Customer: “I need 20 on 3.”

Me: “Okay.” *I ring her up and she pays*

Attractive Customer: “So is someone else working or do you pump the gas?”

Me: “This is a self-service station; we don’t pump the gas for you.”

Attractive Customer: “Well, there is no way I am pumping the gas myself.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t pump the gas for you.”

Attractive Customer: “This is no way to get a tip! I am the customer and I want you to pump the gas for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if I leave the counter I could be fired. As I said this is a self service station; it means you have to do it yourself.”

Attractive Customer: “FINE!”

(She then walks out to her car and yells…)

Attractive Customer: “Is someone going to pump me or do I have to do it myself?!”

*every guy at the station goes running over to help her*

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

Proof That Men Will Say Anything

| Metrowest, MA, USA | Romantic | April 19, 2008

(I’m a lesbian who works in a seedy area of my town, and I’m hit on constantly by these really old guys, or crackheads…or drunks…)

Drunk guy: “Hey…are you single?”

Me: “Nope. Gay too.”

Drunk guy: “Oh. So you like women?”

Me: “Yep.”

Drunk guy: “I can be a woman!”

Me: “I have standards.”

(The drunk man leaves, and my coworker nearly pees herself laughing.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

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