Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Romantic | September 9, 2011

(I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

Little girl: “Robert!”

Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

(Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right

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Sweethearts Sans Sweets

| NSW, Australia | Romantic | September 9, 2011

(This happens just after Father’s Day, as my siblings and I always get our father a special “Dad’s Bag” from a well-known Australian retailer. It includes an assortment of candies and chocolates.)

Mum: “You going to share your chocolate with me?”

Dad: “Sure…”

(My dad starts sorting through the chocolate, while mum waits expectantly.)

Dad: “Hmm, not this one. I love these ones…”

(My dad keeps sorting, while mum continues to wait patiently.)

Dad: “Not this one either…”

(Finally, my dad reaches deep in bag, and looks back at my mum.)

Dad: “Oh, here you go! I’ll share this with you!”

Mum: *excitedly* “Oooh, what is it?

Dad: “The card!”

Mum: *not so excited*

I’m Not Gay, But My Boyfriends Are

| Oregon, USA | Romantic | September 8, 2011

(Two college-aged guys of similar age to myself come up to the register with a box of condoms. Note: I’m male myself.)

Customer 1: “We’re not gay, you know.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #1: “Well, we’re not.”

Me: “Okay, I know.”

(I finish the transaction, and they’re about to leave.)

Me: “Have a nice evening.”

Customer #2: “So…uh…are you doing anything when you get off? We’d like to hang out.” *winks at me*

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From Tasteless Typos To Tasteful Tenderness

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Romantic | September 7, 2011

(Note: The pizzeria a block from my campus made a typo in an ad published in the school newspaper that morning, advertising that the Greek Special was a “huge 18 inch” male organ instead of a “huge 18 inch pizza”. Note that I am a guy of Iranian descent.)

Pretty Girl: “One Greek Special, please.” *giggles and gestures to the ad*

Clerk: “Miss, as I’ve been explaining to everyone, there’s a typo in that ad.”

Pretty Girl: “In that case, one slice of pepperoni.”

(Three fraternity boys nearby walk over to the pretty girl.)

Frat boys: “Between us, we can give you the real Greek Special.”

Pretty Girl: “I’m not into that! Try your line elsewhere.”

(I’ve been in line behind her this entire time, and overhear the exchange. After I get my pizza, I walk over to her.)

Me: “How about I give you an Iranian special instead? Two hours of listening and afterwards you can rest your head on my chest and snuggle until you fall asleep.”

Pretty Girl: *laughs* “I’ll take it!”

(We dated for the next 4 months.)

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Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

| Louisville, KY, USA | Romantic | December 31, 2007

(I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)

Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”

Me: “They are 10 inch pizzas, sir.”

Husband: “Well how big is 10 inches?

(And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)

Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about 10 inches, dear.”

(I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

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