She Who Returns The Pants

| Altoona, PA, USA | Romantic | November 21, 2011

(A customer approaches me with a return. The store policy is to return the money in the same fashion it was paid, i.e. bought with credit-returned to same credit.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this. Here is the receipt.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Can I have the card that the shirt was bought with?”

Customer: “I don’t understand. My wife paid it off right then. Why do you need the card?”

Me: “Well, the shirt is $39. You paid for it with your [store] card, so I have to return the $39 to your [store] card.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why can’t you just return it.”

Me: “Hold on one minute…”

(I go over to speak with a manager to see if I can just give him cash.)

Me: “Okay, the manager says that if the card has a zero balance, I can return the shirt and give you cash. All I need is your wife’s social security so I can access the account over the phone.”

Customer: “Well, there is no balance. I don’t understand why you can’t just return the shirt. I don’t know where they are coming from.”

(I try to explain one more time about our store policy: I can only give him cash as long as I call and find out if there is no balance.)

Customer: “I’m just going to get my wife. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

(Five minutes later, he returns, accompanied by his wife.)

Me: “Okay, I can explain–”

Customer: “No need. She understands.”

Customer’s wife: *smiles knowingly*

Customer: *laughing “I can’t do anything without the wife.”


Caught In A Recession Romance, Part 2

| Honolulu, HI, USA | Romantic | November 21, 2011

(My fiancé had proposed quite recently, so I am admiring my new engagement ring.)

Me: *sighing* “The ring is so beautiful. My fingers are so short and stubby, though.”

Him: “Yeah, I was kind of counting on that to make the ring look bigger.”


My Fairy Ball-Bustin’ Godmother

| Costa Rica | Romantic | November 20, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are on vacation, and have stopped in a little hole-in-the-wall souvenir shop. We are approached by a Tico woman. Note: my boyfriend is Chinese, but speaks fluent Spanish.)

Woman: *in very broken English* “You brother and sister?”

Boyfriend: “No, no. She’s my girlfriend.”

Woman: *confused look*

Boyfriend:Mi novia.”

(The woman gets a shocked look on her face and begins prattling on in Spanish, which I do not understand. My boyfriend blushes darker and darker as she talks. When she finally stops talking…)

Me: “What did she say?”

Boyfriend: “She said she’ll track me down and castrate me if I ever hurt you.”

Woman, to me: “Good luck, mi amiga bonita!”

No Hopes For Gropes

| Cary, NC, USA | Romantic | November 19, 2011

(My new boyfriend and I are lying on the couch watching a movie. He and I are very ticklish, and somehow a tickle-war erupts. I discover he’s VERY ticklish on his pecs.)

Boyfriend: “So, I have a question…is your chest as ticklish as my pecs?”

Me: “You wish, but no.”

Boyfriend: “Damn.”

A Fart From The Heart

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Romantic | November 18, 2011

(Note: I am incredibly short.)

Him: “Hehe, midget…”

Me: “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

Him: “That’s what I say every time I talk about you!”

(He leans over and puts his head on my shoulder.)

Me: “I hope you didn’t come all the way over here for a kiss after that!”

Him: “But I love you! Also, I have a present for you.”

Me: “Oh, really?”

Him: “Yeah!” *farts* “It might be a fart!”

Me: “Oh god, get off me!”

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