Baked-In Prenups

| Orlando, FL, USA | Romantic | November 17, 2011

(I’ve brought in some home-made biscuits for my coworkers to enjoy. Towards the end of the night, one of them comes up to me.)

Coworker: “If you were a customer, I would kiss you right now.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Those biscuits you made were amazing. I’m going to marry you for those biscuits!”

Me: “Okay!”

(Several days later, my coworker comes up to me again.)

Coworker: “I’m divorcing you.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “You’re never on my side. You can take the car, the card, and the kids. I get the house!”

At Least All The Options Are Out In The Open

| New Hampshire, USA | Romantic | November 16, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are cuddling in bed one night and discussing what kind of parents we’ll be.)

Boyfriend: “I’m going to be that dad that greets his daughter’s boyfriend with a shotgun.”

Me: “What if our daughter is a lesbian?”

Boyfriend: “Way to burst my bubble, hon.”

It’s The Half-Baked Thought That Counts

| Amsterdam, Netherlands | Romantic | November 16, 2011

(My boyfriend calls me on his way to work. He knows I love flowers, but he normally only brings them to me on our anniversary or my birthday.)

Boyfriend: ‘”Hi, honey. I just wanted to let you know that the flower shop next to the canal near our house has really good prices.”

Me: “Oh, really? So I’m going to get some flowers today?”

Boyfriend: “No, I just thought I’d let you know since you really like flowers. You know, you could buy some…they’re really cheap!”

Me: “What the heck? You’re calling me to tell me to buy flowers for myself?!”

Boyfriend: “I’d give you the money later if it would make you feel like I bought them for you!”

Legging Yourself Out Of A Hole

| North Dakota, USA | Romantic | November 15, 2011

(I am getting out of the shower, and my fiancé is combing his hair in front of the mirror.)

Me: “Ugh, it takes so long to shave my legs!”

Fiancé: “Yeah, you’ve got a lot of area to cover.”

Me: “…”

Fiancé: *panicked look* “I mean…your legs are big! I mean…long! You know what I mean!” *runs out of bathroom*

It’s Complicated (Payment, That Is)

| California, USA | Romantic | November 15, 2011

(I work in a deli making sandwiches to order. I’ve just finished making sandwiches for a young couple.)

Me: “Are you guys together?”

Male customer: “Um…well…we’ve been seeing each other for a while, like a few weeks…I don’t know if we’d say we’re together…I don’t think–”

Female customer: “Yes, we are.” *turns to him* “She just wanted to know if we were paying together!”

Page 1,391/1,413First...1,3891,3901,3911,3921,393...Last
« Previous
Next »