Hair Apparent, Forgetfulness Deterrent

| Indiana, USA | Romantic | September 15, 2011

(My boyfriend and I have only been dating a week or so, and have only known each other a few days longer. I am a blonde, albeit a very dark blonde.)

Boyfriend: “You know, I’ve been thinking about this tall, gorgeous, brunette woman all day.”

Me: “Oh, really? And who would that be?”

(He’s never gotten my hair color wrong again.)

The Chains Of Love

| Cork, Ireland | Romantic | September 13, 2011

Boyfriend: “Why didn’t you do the washing up and hoovering while I was out?”

Me: “It’s your turn to wash-up. I did hoover, but it’s hard to get all the hair from your dog up.”

Boyfriend: “That’s no excuse! I expect the house to be spotless when I come home! Spotless!”

(Our friends turned up later to find the front door open and my boyfriend handcuffed to the sink. From what I hear, he was very upset. Not surprisingly, we are no longer together.)

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In Plain Sight

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Romantic | September 13, 2011

(This is the second date with a guy I’d met online. The first date was okay…the guy was a little strange in an undefinable way, but seemed harmless. So, I’ve agreed to see him again. Note that I recently started wearing contact lenses. One is bugging me, so I rub my eye.)

Guy: “Is there something wrong with my eye?”

Me: “No, my contact was just itchy.”

Guy: “It’s because I’ve got a fake eye, isn’t it? Are they looking in the same direction?”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yeah, you look fine!”

Guy: “I can take it out if you want. Wanna see?”

Me: *realizing he’s serious* “No!”

Guy: “Here we go!”

(He proceeds to take his eyeball out at the dive bar and show it to me. I cringe and try not to look at what I assume is now a gaping hole in his face. He puts it back in.)

Guy: “Is it looking the right way again?”

When Mothers In Laws Are Brothers In Arms

| Saratoga Springs, NY, USA | Romantic | September 12, 2011

(I am shopping with my husband at a well-known lingerie store. We overhear another couple talking about a bra.)

Wife: “You know, it just doesn’t look like they have this bra in my size.”

Husband: “What size again?”

Wife: “38C, honey.”

(The husband pulls out the 38D drawer.)

Husband: “But they have it in a 38D, beautiful.”

Wife: “Bras aren’t like a pair of pants! You can’t just use a belt to make them tighter. It doesn’t work that way!”

Husband: “Oh…uh, wishful thinking?”

Wife: “Well, I never!

(The wife storms out of store with her husband trailing behind.)

Me, to my husband: “Note to you: never say that to me.”

My husband: “I would never dream of it. You’d kill me, and then my mom would bring me back and kill me again!”

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Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Romantic | September 9, 2011

(I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

Little girl: “Robert!”

Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

(Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right

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