Return To (Relationship) Ender

| Canada | Romantic | September 22, 2011

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to order some flowers for delivery. I went on a date last night, and I’d like to show her I’m still thinking about her by sending her flowers.”

Me: “That’s sweet. what would you like?”

Caller: “I don’t know. What would you like?”

Me: “Well, you can’t go wrong with a dozen roses.”

Caller: “Sounds good. I’ll do that.”

Me: “Okay. How would you like to pay for that?”

Caller: “Cash on delivery.”

Me: “Wait a minute…you want to have flowers sent to your date, but you want her to pay for them?”

Caller: “Yeah, so? Can we do that?”

Settling For Yes

| Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | September 21, 2011

(I’m talking to my mom about her marriage to my stepdad.)

Me: “I’m glad stepdad and I finally got you to say yes to marrying him, mom. We only had to ask six times!”

Mom: “Yeah, well…”

Me: “So, what made you change your mind?”

(A dreamy, in-love look comes across my mom’s face.)

Mom: “I just finally realized that he was the best I could do.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I probably wouldn’t tell him that, mom…”

A Thread Giveaway

| London, UK | Romantic | September 21, 2011

(A man comes to my till to buy a roll of satin ribbon. In his other hand, he is holding a tiny gift box of the kind used for jewellery.)

Me: “Oh, are you buying this to tie around the box?”

Customer: *slightly unsure* “Yes?”

Me: “Would you like me to tie if for you?”

Customer: “Oh yes, please!”

(I tie the ribbon in a lovely bow around the box.)

Me: “How’s this?”

Customer: *worried* “It…it may be too good…”

Me: *confused silence*

Customer: “If you saw this would you…would you think it’s a ring?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Would you think I was proposing? Because that wouldn’t be good.”

Me: “I think it’ll be okay.”

Customer: “Right. Well, if it all goes wrong, I’m coming back!”

(The customer leaves with his prettily tied box. So far, I haven’t seen him back. Hopefully this means I haven’t ruined his life!)

Two’s Company, Three’s A Bargain

| Glasgow, Scotland | Romantic | September 20, 2011

Caller: *on the phone* “I’d like a quote to insure 2 cars. Do I get a discount if it’s for 2 cars?”

Me: “Yes, as long as they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “OK, first I need a quote for my wife’s car.”

(I run through the details and tell him the price.)

Caller: “OK, now I need a quote for my girlfriend’s car.”

Me: “Er…OK.”

Caller: “Do I get a discount on the second one, then?”

Me: “Only if they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “OK.”

Me: *confused* “Do your wife and your girlfriend live at the same address?”

Caller: “What do you think I am? Stupid?”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

For Teppanyaki Or Worse

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Romantic | September 20, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are on a date at a Japanese restaurant. It’s the kind where you are often seated with other customers. At our table are two older couples.)

Lady #1, to waiter: “We’ll take the check for the four of us. We’re celebrating their anniversary.”

Waiter, to other couple: “How long have you been married?”

Lady #2: “56 years!”

Husband #2, to us: “Are you married?”

My boyfriend: “No, I’m happy!”

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