(This happens just after Father’s Day, as my siblings and I always get our father a special “Dad’s Bag” from a well-known Australian retailer. It includes an assortment of candies and chocolates.)

Mum: “You going to share your chocolate with me?”

Dad: “Sure…”

(My dad starts sorting through the chocolate, while mum waits expectantly.)

Dad: “Hmm, not this one. I love these ones…”

(My dad keeps sorting, while mum continues to wait patiently.)

Dad: “Not this one either…”

(Finally, my dad reaches deep in bag, and looks back at my mum.)

Dad: “Oh, here you go! I’ll share this with you!”

Mum: *excitedly* “Oooh, what is it?

Dad: “The card!”

Mum: *not so excited*

This story is part of our Father’s Day roundup.

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go to the Father’s Day roundup!

(Two college-aged guys of similar age to myself come up to the register with a box of condoms. Note: I’m male myself.)

Customer 1: “We’re not gay, you know.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #1: “Well, we’re not.”

Me: “Okay, I know.”

(I finish the transaction, and they’re about to leave.)

Me: “Have a nice evening.”

Customer #2: “So…uh…are you doing anything when you get off? We’d like to hang out.” *winks at me*

(Note: The pizzeria a block from my campus made a typo in an ad published in the school newspaper that morning, advertising that the Greek Special was a “huge 18 inch” male organ instead of a “huge 18 inch pizza”. Note that I am a guy of Iranian descent.)

Pretty Girl: “One Greek Special, please.” *giggles and gestures to the ad*

Clerk: “Miss, as I’ve been explaining to everyone, there’s a typo in that ad.”

Pretty Girl: “In that case, one slice of pepperoni.”

(Three fraternity boys nearby walk over to the pretty girl.)

Frat boys: “Between us, we can give you the real Greek Special.”

Pretty Girl: “I’m not into that! Try your line elsewhere.”

(I’ve been in line behind her this entire time, and overhear the exchange. After I get my pizza, I walk over to her.)

Me: “How about I give you an Iranian special instead? Two hours of listening and afterwards you can rest your head on my chest and snuggle until you fall asleep.”

Pretty Girl: *laughs* “I’ll take it!”

(We dated for the next 4 months.)

(I am at work and I see two girls from my college I know as acquaintances, but not as much more than that. I have a crush on one of them as she is really pretty and seems nice for the most part. I watch as she and her friend approach the register.)

My Crush: “No, you’re wrong! I’m telling you, he never said that!”

(I assume they are gossiping about something until I listen a little more to the conversation.)

Her Friend: “No, he did! He totally did! We watched it last night, stupid!”

My Crush: “Obi-Wan never says, ‘I love you, Anakin.’ The line is ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.’!”

Her Friend: “No!”

My Crush: *turns to me* “Oh, hey, [My Name]! What’s up?”

Me: “Not much. I’m good. And you’re right; Obi-Wan’s line was ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.’”

My Crush: “Oh, my God, thank you!” *turns to her friend* “And you call yourself a Star Wars fan.”

(Her friend scowls, but they pay and say goodbye. I watch as they get to the automatic doors. Her friend pretends to use ‘The Force’ on them. Suddenly, my crush jumps in front of her.)

My Crush: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

(I walked over and asked her out. We got married a month ago.)

This story is part of our Star Wars roundup!

Read the next Star Wars roundup story!

Read the Star Wars Roundup!

(A man comes up to the box office with his wife.)

Customer: “Two tickets, please.”

Me: “Sure, what movie?”

(The customer just points at his wife. She does not notice.)

Me: “Uh, sir, I need to know which movie you’d like to see.”

(he continues to just point at his wife.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

Customer: “She’s a Big, Fat, Greek Woman!”

This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup!

Read the next Bickering Couple roundup story!

Read the Bickering Couple roundup!