(This happens just after Father’s Day, as my siblings and I always get our father a special “Dad’s Bag” from a well-known Australian retailer. It includes an assortment of candies and chocolates.)

Mum: “You going to share your chocolate with me?”

Dad: “Sure…”

(My dad starts sorting through the chocolate, while mum waits expectantly.)

Dad: “Hmm, not this one. I love these ones…”

(My dad keeps sorting, while mum continues to wait patiently.)

Dad: “Not this one either…”

(Finally, my dad reaches deep in bag, and looks back at my mum.)

Dad: “Oh, here you go! I’ll share this with you!”

Mum: *excitedly* “Oooh, what is it?

Dad: “The card!”

Mum: *not so excited*

This story is part of our Father’s Day roundup.

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go to the Father’s Day roundup!

(I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

Little girl: “Robert!”

Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

(Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right

(Two college-aged guys of similar age to myself come up to the register with a box of condoms. Note: I’m male myself.)

Customer 1: “We’re not gay, you know.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #1: “Well, we’re not.”

Me: “Okay, I know.”

(I finish the transaction, and they’re about to leave.)

Me: “Have a nice evening.”

Customer #2: “So…uh…are you doing anything when you get off? We’d like to hang out.” *winks at me*

(Note: The pizzeria a block from my campus made a typo in an ad published in the school newspaper that morning, advertising that the Greek Special was a “huge 18 inch” male organ instead of a “huge 18 inch pizza”. Note that I am a guy of Iranian descent.)

Pretty Girl: “One Greek Special, please.” *giggles and gestures to the ad*

Clerk: “Miss, as I’ve been explaining to everyone, there’s a typo in that ad.”

Pretty Girl: “In that case, one slice of pepperoni.”

(Three fraternity boys nearby walk over to the pretty girl.)

Frat boys: “Between us, we can give you the real Greek Special.”

Pretty Girl: “I’m not into that! Try your line elsewhere.”

(I’ve been in line behind her this entire time, and overhear the exchange. After I get my pizza, I walk over to her.)

Me: “How about I give you an Iranian special instead? Two hours of listening and afterwards you can rest your head on my chest and snuggle until you fall asleep.”

Pretty Girl: *laughs* “I’ll take it!”

(We dated for the next 4 months.)

(I am at work and I see two girls from my college I know as acquaintances, but not as much more than that. I have a crush on one of them as she is really pretty and seems nice for the most part. I watch as she and her friend approach the register.)

My Crush: “No, you’re wrong! I’m telling you, he never said that!”

(I assume they are gossiping about something until I listen a little more to the conversation.)

Her Friend: “No, he did! He totally did! We watched it last night, stupid!”

My Crush: “Obi-Wan never says, ‘I love you, Anakin.’ The line is ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.’!”

Her Friend: “No!”

My Crush: *turns to me* “Oh, hey, [My Name]! What’s up?”

Me: “Not much. I’m good. And you’re right; Obi-Wan’s line was ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.’”

My Crush: “Oh, my God, thank you!” *turns to her friend* “And you call yourself a Star Wars fan.”

(Her friend scowls, but they pay and say goodbye. I watch as they get to the automatic doors. Her friend pretends to use ‘The Force’ on them. Suddenly, my crush jumps in front of her.)

My Crush: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

(I walked over and asked her out. We got married a month ago.)

This story is part of our Star Wars roundup!

Read the next Star Wars roundup story!

Read the Star Wars Roundup!