(My boyfriend and I are out at a nice restaurant to celebrate getting into the same graduate school. He has been vehemently anti-marriage for our entire relationship, but ever since we got accepted I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to ask him to do a commitment ceremony with me. What can I say, I like parties!)

Boyfriend: “Now, before I say anything, please don’t cry or make a huge scene, okay?”

Me: *slightly freaked out* “Okay…”

Boyfriend: *pulls out ring box* “Sweetie, I love you very much, and I want the blessings of our fascist state on our union. Will you marry me?”

Me: *crying* “Yes, you jerk!”

(And so far, we’ve lived happily ever after.)

Boyfriend: “I’m going to start working out again, I want to lose a little weight.”

Me: “Me too! Maybe we should start running or biking together?”

Boyfriend: “If you lose that ass, I’m breaking up with you.”

Me: “…what?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I like them big!”

(It’s the last term of senior year at college, and I live in a dorm. My door is half open as I’m folding some laundry casually and a very cute girl walks by. She sees me and pokes her head in.)

Cute girl: “Oh God, guys folding laundry? I look forward to how wrinkly you’ll be!”

Me: “Hey, now, I can fold my own laundry pretty darn well.” *demonstrates on a pair of pants*

(Suddenly, the cute girl begins to speak super fast.)

Cute girl: “Uh…you’re really super cute and I’ve liked you through, like, all of college and stuff but I never got up the courage to ask you out and I was hoping to just kind of help you fold laundry and be all flirty and see where it goes and stuff.” *turns and begins to walk away*

Me: “Hang on!”

(I quickly crumple up the pair of jeans I just folded.)

Me: “Can you teach me to fold these? I figured you might know.”

(We ended up talking for hours and we never did get that pair of laundry folded, but we’re currently engaged!)

(I’m at dinner with my boyfriend and his friends. They’re teasing me about the girl my boyfriend had been talking to before we started dating.)

Me: “I don’t care, because he picked me. Right, baby?”

My boyfriend: “Exactly. You were clearly the better choice.”

Me: *grinning* “What made me the better choice?”

My boyfriend: “She was insanely hot. Whenever we went out, guys were constantly staring at her. I don’t have to worry about that with you!”

Me: “Please stop saying you’re romantic. You aren’t at all.”

Boyfriend: “I am so romantic.”

Me: “Oh yeah? Name something romantic you did during our past three years together.”

Boyfriend: “I took you to the movies last week.”

Me: “First, Transformers isn’t romantic. Second, you dropped me off and went straight home after.”

Boyfriend: “But I paid, didn’t I?!”

Me: “Yes, but your sister was with us!”