(I’m sitting in the food area reading a book when this guy comes up to me out of nowhere. The entire time he’s talking to me, he’s looking down at his feet timidly.)

Guy: “Hey, um. I saw you back there, and, um, you’re cute, and um, I don’t know, uh…”

(He hands me a card, turns to leave, and, still looking down at his feet, walks smack into a support pole.)

(At the store where I work, I notice a 40 year old man is squealing and jumping up and down.)

Me: “Sir, would you please stop that?”

Man: “I can’t! I’m so happy!”

Me: “I’m happy for you too, but your behavior is disturbing everyone.”

Man: “I can’t! I’m 40 years old and I finally got a girl to go out with me! I can’t believe it! My first date!”

(I approach an older couple.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Do you have your ticket?”

(The man points to a woman digging through her purse.)

Older man: “She-who-must-be-obeyed has them.”

(I have just finished my shift at a pizza place. I’ve gotten out of uniform, taken my glasses off, and untied my hair. I walk over to a male coworker, who is still working behind the counter.)

Me: “How much is it for me to get a sandwich?”

Coworker: “Well, it’s $6.95, but for you, I’ll make it $5.”

Me: “Wait, I thought our discounts were 50%?”

Coworker: “Just because you’re cute doesn’t mean you can get it that cheap. But, if I can get your number, I’ll pay for it myself.”

Me: “I already gave it to you twice last week.”

Coworker: “How could you have? I’ve never seen you before!”

Me: “Yeah, sure.”

(I reach over the counter to grab a cup for my drink.)

Coworker: “Normally I’d charge you for that, but since you’re so adorable I’ll give it to you. So, what’s your name? Want to go to dinner next week?”

Me: *holding up name tag*

Coworker: “…you’re a ninja, aren’t you?”

(We’ve been together 6 months now.)

(I’ve been an insulin-dependent diabetic for 37 years, and for the first time I am facing the amputation of a toe. It should also be noted that my fiancée and I have gotten into the habit of cuddling just before drifting off to sleep. These cuddle sessions often become our time to discuss serious matters.)

Me: “So, it’s decided. This ulcer isn’t getting better. If anything, it’s getting worse. The tendons are gone inside the toe, which means I’m just waiting to accidentally stub the toe off. This would only mean a bigger mess and a more serious infection. On my next doctor visit, I’ll tell him it needs to come off.”

Fiancée: “It’s okay, baby. I understand…”

(She snuggles closer.)

Fiancée: “…and I’ll still love you if you can only count up to 19.”

(Suffice to say, we both ended our night with a great deal of laughing.)