(My boyfriend and I have only been together for a few months, but we’ve known each other for over a decade. As we are settling down for the night, the topic of baby names comes up.)

Me: “I think, with your last name, I like flower names for girls. Lily, or Rose!”

Boyfriend: “Aw, well, if we have a Lily, we need to name our son Phil, so we can have Phil and Lil!”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “That’s right, I brought Rugrats into this.”

Me: “This was a beautiful moment, and you ruined it!”

Boyfriend: “YES! SCORE!”

(My boyfriend and I are both divorced parents who have gone through some pretty bitter battles with our ex-spouses. I’m attempting to set up a Facebook account for him over the phone.)

Me: “Okay, I need the answer to your security question.”

Boyfriend: “What’s the question?”

Me: “Where did you spend your honeymoon?”

(At this point, I get a little annoyed, because I hate to be reminded they were once happy.)

Boyfriend: “I dunno, Hell?” *laughs a bit* “I forgot what I put down.”

(I remember the actual location, so I go ahead and enter it. It doesn’t work.)

Me: “Okay, it wouldn’t let me in when I answered it.”

Boyfriend: “I dunno then…”

(Being bored, I give his joke/answer a try.)

Me: “Oh my god.”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “You actually answered ‘Hell’ to that question?!”

Boyfriend: *cracks up laughing*

(At least we feel the same way about our exes!)

Customer: “You know, you’re really good at your job.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Customer: “It must be because you’re a woman.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Because women have to try harder to get anywhere in life. I bet you’re in school too, right?”

Me: “Um. Here’s your drink. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “So, can I get your number?”

Me: *speechless*

(This took place during a meet with my long-distance boyfriend. We’re eating at a restaurant with our moms and his younger brothers, the latter of which are infamously annoying.)

Boyfriend: “Does this seem like a date to you?”

Me: “It would, if it was just the two of us.”

(My boyfriend points at everyone at the table in a row.)

Boyfriend: “Delete, delete, delete, delete.”

Me: *chuckles*

Boyfriend: “Better yet…” *points to our moms* “Moved to another table, moved to another table…” *points to his brothers* “Delete, delete.”

Me: *laughing*

Me: “Okay, baby, you hang up!”

Boyfriend: “No, YOU hang up!”

Me: “No, YOU hang up!”

Boyfriend: “Okay!” *click!*

Me: “…”

(My boyfriend calls right back, laughing hysterically.)

Boyfriend: “I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT!”