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Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Gives New Meaning To ‘Manually Eject’

, , , , | Romantic | January 15, 2010

(An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”

Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”

Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”

(I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a p*rn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)

Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”

Wife: *silently fuming*

At Least They Made It To The Paper Anniversary

, , , | Right Romantic | November 19, 2009

(I am waiting to bag a couple’s groceries. The man walks to the end of the register and looks me straight in the eyes.)

Customer: *out of earshot of wife* “Let me tell you something.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “If you ever think you love a woman and want to marry her, run away.”

Me: *chuckling* “All right, I’ll keep that in mind. So, are plastic bags okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

(As I put items into a plastic bag, the man’s wife joins him.)

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, can we actually have paper bags?”

Customer: “I can’t even make this decision?”


This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup!

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Age Is But A (Phone) Number

, , , , , | Romantic | October 14, 2009

(I’m dealing with a male customer in his forties or fifties at the checkout stand.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have it with me.”

Me: “That’s perfectly fine. Can I have your phone number?”

Customer: “Uh… can I ask you a personal question?”

Me: “Sure?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “I’m seventeen.”

Customer: “Awesome! I’m gonna go home and tell my wife a seventeen-year-old asked for my number. Thanks!”

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pregnant Woman Scorned

, , , | Romantic | September 10, 2009

(A man comes to my register with a mint chocolate candy bar.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Can you break a $100 bill?”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. We just opened and I haven’t gone to the bank today.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Do you know anywhere I can get change? I need this candy right away!”

(At this point I notice his panicked look. Coupled with the fact that he’s buying the most unappetizing candy in the store, I jump to a conclusion.)

Me: “Sir, these aren’t for you, are they?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did your pregnant wife send you out at eight in the morning to buy this candy?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “For the love of God, man! Get these home to her before you’re in even more trouble! You can come back and pay me later!”

(The customer bolts out the door. He later came back, visibly calmer, and paid.)


This story is part of the Pregnancy Roundup!

Read the next Pregnancy Roundup story!

Read the Pregnancy Roundup!

On The Straight And Narrow (Minded)

, , , | Right Romantic | August 26, 2009

(I’m a female customer sitting in a pub. I’m approached by a male customer while I read a book.)

Male Customer: “Hello, my name is [Name].”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Male Customer: “So can I have your number?”

Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”

Male Customer: “You want to have sex with women?”

Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I just want to read my book.”

Male Customer: “That’s bull-s***! If you’re a lesbian then you want to have sex with women!”

Me: “Honestly, I just want to read my book.”

Male Customer: “You’re lying to me; that’s very rude! I’m going to complain!”

Male Customer: *to a waitress* “That girl over there is being really rude. I want you to do something, it’s disturbing my day. She just lied to me and told me that she was a lesbian, and now she’s mocking me.”

Waitress: “What am I supposed to do about that? Make her straight?”

Male Customer: “Just do something about it!”

Waitress: *to me* “Hello, there.”

Me: “Hello. I’m sorry about him.”

Waitress: “Oh, it’s no problem! So, can I have your number?”

Male Customer: *looks horrified*

Me: “Er, yeah, sure. Here.”

(I write my number on a napkin and she takes it, still smiling.)

Waitress:*to male customer* “See? She’s a lesbian.”

Male Customer: “That’s not what I wanted you to do! I didn’t want you to ask her out, I wanted you to make her leave! I demand to speak to your manager!”

Waitress: “Oh, he’s just popped out. I can get his boyfriend for you though if you want?”

Male Customer: *storms out cursing*

(It turned out that the waitress was kidding about her manager, but she wasn’t kidding about asking me out!)