(I was talking with my long-distance girlfriend on Skype a few days before we would see each other over Christmas.)
Girlfriend: “Guess what!”
Me: “I don’t know, sweetie, what?”
Girlfriend: “I like you! Guess what else?”
Me: *laughs* “Aw, I like you too! And I don’t know, honey, what?”
Girlfriend: “I pooped twice today.”
Me: “…yay?”
(My parents have been married for 34 years. They are having a fight and my mom is in the process of leaving the house to cool off.)
Mom: “I will see you later when I’m not angry at you anymore!”
Dad: *in a mocking love tone* “I love you sweet heart!”
(While backing out, my mom flips him the bird.)
Dad: “Number one? You think I’m number one?”
(He starts singing and doing a little dance in the driveway.)
Dad: “I’m number one! I’m number one! She thinks I’m number one!”
(I’m at my boyfriend’s house. I am wearing a shirt with a pony from a show whose target audience are 5 year old girls, and involves lots of colorful ponies.)
Boyfriend’s roommate: “I like your shirt.”
Me: *eyes widen* “You, are my new best friend. Do you watch the show?”
Boyfriend’s roommate: “Yes.”
Me: “You, just made my day.”
Boyfriend: “So, I took you out to breakfast. And, I’m taking you to the movies. He makes your day because he likes a show about ponies. I see how it is. [Roommate], want to go to the movies?”
Me: “Well, if you liked [pony show], you’d make my day, too!”
(I am emailing my husband. He is very into sci-fi, and we have lots of theoretical debates about time travel.)
Husband: “Hello, future wife. It’s sad but unavoidable that present me cannot tell present you that I love her. So, we’ll have to settle for this quantum ping pong that currently exists. I love you, too, in any case. And past you. And future you, after you. I look forward to minimizing our proximities, so I can be closer to my current you. More love. Past husband.”
(My boyfriend likes to say sweet things to me by turning around something that I say. For example, if I say ‘that’s a cute kitten!’, he says, ‘you’re kinda cute’. If I say, ‘the weather is gorgeous!’, he says, ‘you’re gorgeous!’.”)
Me: *picking up a pillow* “Oh! These pillows are so plush!”
Boyfriend: “You’re kinda plush.”
(I stare at my boyfriend, as a remarkable look of horror creeps over his face.)
Boyfriend: “Oh, crap!”
(I bust up laughing.)
