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Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Man 1, Bag 0, Chivalry -1

| Romantic | October 4, 2011

(It is late at night and I am trying to finish a project for work. My husband is “keeping me company” by playing a video game nearby. The last step is to put a label on the package. The labels are in a clear plastic bag, which I struggle to open, before giving up.)

Me: “Honey, can you open this for me?”

(My husband takes the bag, easily pops it open, and returns to his game. I finish my task.)

Me: “Honey, do you love me even though I’m not smarter than a plastic bag?”

Husband: “Darling, I love you because you are not smarter than a plastic bag.”

Dyeing For An Innuendo

| Romantic | October 3, 2011

(My boyfriend and I have been together for about two weeks. I’m sitting beside him doing homework and he’s on the computer instant messaging with someone. I look over and read the following.)

Friend: “Haven’t talked to you in awhile. What’s new?”

Boyfriend: “Not much. I have a girlfriend.”

Friend: “Dude, awesome. What’s she look like?”

Boyfriend: “She’s a dirty blonde.”

(At this point, I smack him.)

Me: “That makes me sound awful! My hair is blonde–light brown, if you must–but it’s not dirty!”

Boyfriend: “But that’s what it’s called…”

Me: “NOT ON ME.”

I Think I’m Gonna Be Love-Sick

| Romantic | October 3, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are at the zoo. While standing in front of the lion exhibit, I turn around and see him with a ring.)

Him: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Yes!”

(A little later, after talking about why he chose that spot…)

Him: “I did consider proposing in front of the vomiting gorillas, but it was too crowded….”

Leave The Acting To The Actors

| Romantic | September 30, 2011

(I’m sitting on the couch with my fiancé and we’re flipping through Netflix trying to find something to watch.)

Me: “Would you just pick something already?!”

Fiancé: “Like what? What are you in the mood for?”

Me: “Something funny.”

Fiancé: “How about Big Trouble in Little China?”

Me: “Good movie, but no thanks.”

(Suddenly, he stands up.)

Fiancé: “This just isn’t going to work.”

(My fiancé collects his belongings, puts on his shoes, and walks out the door. As I sit there in shock and mouth agape, he comes back in the house.)

Fiancé: “Just kidding hun! Haha! Good commitment though, huh?”

Me: “You’ll be sleeping on the couch. There’s Big Trouble in Little San Marcos tonight!”

You Had Me At Hello, But Lost Me At Hell No

| Romantic | September 30, 2011

(I am on a date with a guy for the first time.)

Me: “I’m really glad we did this.”

My date: “Yeah, I really feel like I know you…”

(I stand up to get some napkins.)

Me: “Do you need any napkins or anything?”

(My date also stands up, but suddenly puts his hand on my stomach.)

My date: “Soon, you will be plump with my seed.”

Me: “I want to go home now.”