Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

All’s Well That Girlfriends Well

| Romantic | September 23, 2011

(I’m reading a book in the library when a random guy approaches me.)

Guy: “Hey, babe. Wanna get laid tonight?”

Me: “Sorry, bro, but I’m a lesbian. And I highly doubt even a straight girl would accept such an offer from a stranger, really.”

Guy: “You’re a lesbian? That doesn’t matter. We can still hook up! You can bring your girlfriend!”

Me: “I don’t have one. And being a lesbian means that you only like girls, not guys.”

Guy: “Then I’m a lesbian, too!”

Me: “No, you have to be a girl.”

Guy: “Does that mean my girlfriend’s a lesbian?”

Me: “If she’s dating you, then no. Wait, you have a girlfriend?”

(At this point, an embarrassed-looking girl comes over to me, apologizes, and drags him away. The next day, she’s again at the library, and I learn that she’s bisexual and has now dumped the rude guy. She is now my girlfriend!)

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Warning: Honesty Cuts Both Ways

| Romantic | September 23, 2011

(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend. We go to college together, but are apart for the summers. It is one week before we return for the fall semester.)

Me: “You really should get a haircut before we go back to school.”

Him: “I was going to wait until we get back, so that you can cut it.”

Me: “Awww, you like the way I cut your hair? How sweet!”

Him: “No, it’s just cheaper.”

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Not A Pretty Slight

| Romantic | September 22, 2011

(At the grocery store, a boy at the seafood counter is very flirty and smiling constantly. Here’s what happens when I return to the car with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Jesus, baby, the guy in there was looking at me like I was the prettiest girl in the world!”

Boyfriend: “Must have been a slow day!”

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Return To (Relationship) Ender

| Romantic | September 22, 2011

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to order some flowers for delivery. I went on a date last night, and I’d like to show her I’m still thinking about her by sending her flowers.”

Me: “That’s sweet. what would you like?”

Caller: “I don’t know. What would you like?”

Me: “Well, you can’t go wrong with a dozen roses.”

Caller: “Sounds good. I’ll do that.”

Me: “Okay. How would you like to pay for that?”

Caller: “Cash on delivery.”

Me: “Wait a minute…you want to have flowers sent to your date, but you want her to pay for them?”

Caller: “Yeah, so? Can we do that?”

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Settling For Yes

| Romantic | September 21, 2011

(I’m talking to my mom about her marriage to my stepdad.)

Me: “I’m glad stepdad and I finally got you to say yes to marrying him, mom. We only had to ask six times!”

Mom: “Yeah, well…”

Me: “So, what made you change your mind?”

(A dreamy, in-love look comes across my mom’s face.)

Mom: “I just finally realized that he was the best I could do.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I probably wouldn’t tell him that, mom…”

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