(Sometimes when we go to bed, I ask my husband to tell me something ‘lovey-dovey’.)

Me: “Hey, tell me either one really good one, or two so-so ones. And look me in the eyes when you say them!”

(Pause.)

Husband: *rolls over and looks me in the eyes* “I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. If that’s not good enough, then you can get up, close the door, and sleep on the couch. Just please turn off the light on your way out.”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably*

(My fiancé and I are fans of ‘The Big Bang Theory’, me a bit more than him. I adore the scenes with Sheldon’s ‘Soft Kitty’ song in particular.)

Fiancé: “Yeah, I’m never singing that for you, sorry. That’s just dorky.”

(As it turns out, a few days later we both come down with a bug. He’s more miserable than I, so it’s up to me to take care of him. It’s not uncommon for me to sing to him when trying to convince him to nap.)

Me: “Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…”

(He snuggles closer to me.)

Me: “Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr.”

(There’s a moment of silence.)

Fiancé: “Alright, you win.”

(I am a blind female. I am wearing a bright blue shirt with a bright green tank top underneath it to work. My husband and I work together. By the end of the day, I realize that they don’t go together at all.)

Me: “Hon, this outfit is really not cute at all. Why did you even let me leave the house in it?”

Husband: *very matter of fact* “Well, it kind of reminded me of Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles. I thought, well, Leonardo’s pretty cool.”

(I’m coming home at about 10:30 am after a meeting that’s gone well, so I’m happy. My boyfriend is still asleep. This is not unusual since he works in a bar.)

Me: “Oh, my darling, my love, my angel! Do you want me to make you breakfast in bed?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Or, would you rather that go away so you can sleep?”

Him: “I am pretty tired.”

Me: “Okay. Just give me a kiss, and I’ll leave you alone!”

(I start kissing him.)

Him: “Stop being so happy. I’m trying to sleep!”

(My family is over at my house for Christmas. My cousin and his girlfriend have just got engaged. For Christmas, they get a slow cooker.)

Cousin: “You mean I can put dinner in before I leave for work, and it’ll be ready when I’m home?”

Aunt: “Yeah, you can put it on a timer.”

Cousin: “It’ll be just like having another [fiancée’s name]!”

Cousin’s fiancée: *death glare*