You Had Me At Hello, But Lost Me At Hell No

| Frederick, MD, USA | Romantic | September 30, 2011

(I am on a date with a guy for the first time.)

Me: “I’m really glad we did this.”

My date: “Yeah, I really feel like I know you…”

(I stand up to get some napkins.)

Me: “Do you need any napkins or anything?”

(My date also stands up, but suddenly puts his hand on my stomach.)

My date: “Soon, you will be plump with my seed.”

Me: “I want to go home now.”

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The Ups And Downs Of Love

| Seattle, WA, USA | Romantic | September 29, 2011

(I’m at a convention in the Seattle area. The previous night, I’d gone to see a mock-up version of The Dating Game, where one of the hidden bachelorettes was very clearly a man. Throughout the show, he would occasionally assure the bachelor, in a very deep, masculine voice, “I am a woman.” The next day, while going up an escalator, I see the male-bachelorette on the down escalator while I’m going up.)

Me: “Hey! It’s you, from the dating game!”

Him: *looks puzzled*

Me: *in a deep voice* “I am a woman!”

(It finally clicks for him, and he proceeds to shout from behind me after our escalators have passed.)

Him: *as his escalator continues down* “I’ll be a man for you, baby!”

(Regrettably, I did not see him again for the rest of the convention.)

Why Men Never Hear The End Of It

| Seattle, WA, USA | Romantic | September 29, 2011

Me: “Joe?”

Fiancé: *no response*

Me: “Hey, Joe!”

Fiancé: *nothing*

Me: “Joseph!”

Fiancé: *no response*

Me: “Dumba**!”

Fiancé: *no response*

Me: *yelling at ear-splitting volume* “I will slap your mother with a fish, murder your puppy, and leave you in the forest to die with Cujo and the Littlest Hobo!”

Fiancé: *still no response*

Me: *muttering as I walk away* “…a**hole.”

Fiancé: “Did you just say something?”

She’s Well Within Your League

| Houston, TX, USA | Romantic | September 28, 2011

(My mom comes in from the back porch where she and my dad are relaxing after dinner. He comes in shortly after her.)

Mom: “I can’t believe your father. Just cannot believe him!”

Me: “Why? What’d you do, Dad?”

Dad: “I just told her that she’s the love of my life!”

Mom: “Yeah, that’s not ALL you said. Tell her why I’m the love of your life.”

Dad: “I don’t think that’s really appro–”

Mom: “Tell her!”

Dad: “…because she’s the only woman I had a chance at.”

How To Make Proposals Ring True

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Romantic | September 28, 2011

(My boyfriend and I have been having an awesome day at Disneyland. However, he’s been trying to take my promise ring from me the entire day.)

Boyfriend: *reaches for my hand, pulling on the ring* “This roller coaster is really shaky. I should hold onto your ring so it won’t fall off.”

Me: “Nah, it’s okay. It hasn’t fallen off the other times we went on it.”

(Later, during fireworks…)

Boyfriend: *holds my hand, pulling on the ring slightly* “I want to see what your ring looks like in the moonlight.”

Me: “Why do you keep trying to take my ring?!”

Boyfriend: *yelling* “BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO PROPOSE TO YOU!” *switches back to normal voice* “By the way, will you marry me?”

(After laughing and giving him the ring, he got down on one knee with it and did it proper. I said yes!)

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