Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Fat Chance, Fathead

| Romantic | September 16, 2011

Boyfriend: “When we get married, we need to have kids right away.”

Me: “Uh, I’m not even sure I want kids.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, it’s okay. I’d rather adopt so they don’t turn out like you.”

Me: “Like me?”

Boyfriend: “You know, fat.”

(Yeah, we broke up not long after.)

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| Romantic | September 15, 2011

(A woman and her boyfriend come in, looking to get a new kitten. The man picks up about five at once.)

Boyfriend: “So many kitties!”

Girlfriend: “He’s not five, I swear.”

Boyfriend: “So many kitties! Oh, they’re so cuuuuute!”

Girlfriend: “Seriously, he’s not five.”

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Hair Apparent, Forgetfulness Deterrent

| Romantic | September 15, 2011

(My boyfriend and I have only been dating a week or so, and have only known each other a few days longer. I am a blonde, albeit a very dark blonde.)

Boyfriend: “You know, I’ve been thinking about this tall, gorgeous, brunette woman all day.”

Me: “Oh, really? And who would that be?”

(He’s never gotten my hair color wrong again.)

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In Plain Sight

| Romantic | September 13, 2011

(This is the second date with a guy I’d met online. The first date was okay…the guy was a little strange in an undefinable way, but seemed harmless. So, I’ve agreed to see him again. Note that I recently started wearing contact lenses. One is bugging me, so I rub my eye.)

Guy: “Is there something wrong with my eye?”

Me: “No, my contact was just itchy.”

Guy: “It’s because I’ve got a fake eye, isn’t it? Are they looking in the same direction?”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yeah, you look fine!”

Guy: “I can take it out if you want. Wanna see?”

Me: *realizing he’s serious* “No!”

Guy: “Here we go!”

(He proceeds to take his eyeball out at the dive bar and show it to me. I cringe and try not to look at what I assume is now a gaping hole in his face. He puts it back in.)

Guy: “Is it looking the right way again?”

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The Chains Of Love

| Romantic | September 13, 2011

Boyfriend: “Why didn’t you do the washing up and hoovering while I was out?”

Me: “It’s your turn to wash-up. I did hoover, but it’s hard to get all the hair from your dog up.”

Boyfriend: “That’s no excuse! I expect the house to be spotless when I come home! Spotless!”

(Our friends turned up later to find the front door open and my boyfriend handcuffed to the sink. From what I hear, he was very upset. Not surprisingly, we are no longer together.)

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