A Simple Go To H*ll Would Have Sufficed

, , , | Right Romantic | April 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Direct Sales]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need a power cord for my product.”

Me: “I would be happy to place your order. I just need you to read me the three numbers from the front of the product.”

Caller: “Talk to my wife, I can’t read…”

(In the background, I overhear the following…)

Caller: “Get on the phone!”

Caller’s Wife: “You are Satan! When spiritual warfare happens, I will have more angels on my side because you are evil and no one loves you!”

(The wife then comes on the phone and very calmly gives me the number, her address, credit card info and then hangs up.)

 

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Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

, , , | Romantic | December 31, 2007

(I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)

Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”

Me: “They are ten-inch pizzas, sir.”

Husband: “Well how big is ten inches?”

(And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)

Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about ten inches, dear.”

(I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)

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Taking The Young At Heart Thing Too Far

, , , | Romantic | December 23, 2007

(An 80-year-old woman and her husband come up to the cutting counter with a bolt of sparkly, orange, see-through fabric.)

80-Year-Old Woman: “Three yards please.”

Me: *as I am measuring:* “What are you using this for?”

80-Year-Old Woman: “I am taking a belly dancing class, and I am going to make my own outfit.”

(I stare, and the man looks everywhere but his wife.)

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