(My girlfriend and I have just gotten engaged. We go over to her grandparents’ house to give the good news.)
Fiancé: *showing off her ring* “We got engaged!”
Grandmother: “Well, congratulations you two!”
Fiancé: *jokingly* “Oh, but not to him.”
(Her grandmother turns to me, and without skipping a beat replies…)
Grandmother: “Well then, congratulations on getting rid of her!”
(My husband surprises me by suggesting we go for a walk, and then steering me into our favourite restaurant. We finish our meal.)
Me: “It’s been too long since we last went out together. Thank you for a lovely evening!”
Husband: “Don’t thank me yet. There’s still time for me to ruin the night.”
Boyfriend: “I kind of want a kid.”
Me: “Right.”
Boyfriend: “I want it to be a boy, and for him to be 7. No, 4! And for him to have the same level of intelligence as me, so we can have epic conversations. Then, if he argues against me, I’ll be like, ‘Shut up, you’re a baby.'”
Me: “I can’t pop out a four year old. There’d have to be pregnancy and 4 years after that.”
Boyfriend: “It doesn’t have to be yours.”
Me: “Oh, so you just want a cool child to hang out with?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah, because if you’re pregnant, you’ll get fat.”
(My boyfriend and I are cuddling on the couch, talking about our day.)
Boyfriend: “I heard a song that reminded me of you today.”
(I am smiling, as he never says anything like this, so it was quite a surprise.)
Me: “Babe, that’s so sweet. What was it?”
Boyfriend: “I Like Big Butts.”
(My boyfriend is taking me home from a recent outing. We are just sitting, chatting in the car at a stop light. I am currently pointing at a car parked in the turn lane at the stoplight.)
Me: “You think they would park somewhere different. It’d only be logical.
Boyfriend: *singing* “Lo-gi-cal?”
Me: “Practical, cynical. Did you seriously quote ‘The Logical Song’?”
Boyfriend: “Yes.”
Me: “I love you.”
Boyfriend: “It’s only logical.”
