(I suffer from chronic pain that often leaves me sleepless. One night I cannot sleep, no matter how hard I try. My tossing and turning wakes my husband.)

Husband: “What’s wrong, honey?”

Me: “I’m hurting, and can’t sleep.”

Husband: *drowsily* “You should make some bacon.”

Me: *thinking I misheard* “I should what now?”

Husband: *fully asleep again* “Bacon. Mm. Never underestimate the power of bacon.”

(We are just waking up, and I’m trying to roll over to snuggle into my boyfriend. We’re both attorneys, so sometimes our language reflects that.)

Boyfriend: “Stop.”

Me: “But I want to snuggle face-to-face.”

Boyfriend: “No, you’re stinky and I’m stinky.”

Me: “I’m not stinky, you’re stinky! But I’m willing to waive the stinky to snuggle.”

(I have managed to consume an entire box of chocolates.)

Boyfriend: “You ate all the chocolate?!”

Me: “Do you still love me?”

Boyfriend: Don’t ask me that question right now.”

Boyfriend: “You’ve got pretty eyes. I want to keep them in a box.”

Me: “I am so stressed out, I’m dreaming about Excel and Access.”

Him: *looking suggestive* “Was it, that kind of dream?”

Me: “What? Ew! No.”

Him: “Oh, good. I’d hate to have to beat up a program.”