Settling For Yes

| Romantic | September 21, 2011

(I’m talking to my mom about her marriage to my stepdad.)

Me: “I’m glad stepdad and I finally got you to say yes to marrying him, mom. We only had to ask six times!”

Mom: “Yeah, well…”

Me: “So, what made you change your mind?”

(A dreamy, in-love look comes across my mom’s face.)

Mom: “I just finally realized that he was the best I could do.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I probably wouldn’t tell him that, mom…”

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For Teppanyaki Or Worse

| Romantic | September 20, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are on a date at a Japanese restaurant. It’s the kind where you are often seated with other customers. At our table are two older couples.)

Lady #1, to waiter: “We’ll take the check for the four of us. We’re celebrating their anniversary.”

Waiter, to other couple: “How long have you been married?”

Lady #2: “56 years!”

Husband #2, to us: “Are you married?”

My boyfriend: “No, I’m happy!”

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A Knight In A Shining Apron

| Romantic | September 20, 2011

(This happened about 5 years ago, when I was doing weekend work having just turned 18. A customer in his 50s approaches my checkout.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but why aren’t you wearing your ring? That’s very disrespectful.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but what ring?”

Customer: “You know, your wedding ring?”

Me: “I think you may have mistaken me for someone else. I’m not married–I’m only 18.”

Customer: “When I was your age, I was married and my wife was pregnant with our son! How can you not be married yet?! It’s getting far too late for you! No one will ever want to marry you at this rate!”

(I love the idea of romance, and am very emotional, so I have tears in my eyes, even though I know he is wrong. A male coworker has been listening the whole time and speaks up to defend me.)

Male coworker: “I disagree, sir. I, for one, would like to marry her.”

(In frustration, the man takes his shopping bags and storms out the shop, all the while muttering. My coworker and I went out for drinks after work, and now, five years on, he really is my fiancé! I suppose I have a lot to thank that man for!)

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Hair Apparent, Innuendo Imminent

| Romantic | September 19, 2011

(A male customer approaches me with his wife. He has a weird grin on his face. Note: I recently dyed my hair. )

Customer: *laughing* “Is that your natural color?”

Me: “No, it isn’t.”

(The customer still has a weird, expectant grin on his face. I’m waiting for the punchline of whatever joke he is trying to tell me. Thankfully, his wife speaks up.)

Customer’s wife: *relieved*“If you had said yes, he would have asked you to prove it!”

 

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Inappropriateness, Infidelity, And Incarceration

| Romantic | September 16, 2011

(It is Valentine’s Day, and I am checking out a man’s purchases.)

Me: “Oh, these are lovely roses! Someone is going to be very lucky today!”

Customer: “Yeah, you.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Why don’t you give me your number, babe? Seriously.”

Me: “How old are you, sir?”

Customer: “I’m only thirty-five.”

Me: “Well, I’m sixteen.”

Customer: “Oh! My bad…um…”

Me: “So…uh…who are the flowers for?”

Customer: “My girlfriend…”

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