(I’m trying to translate a poem for my class the next day, but it’s proving difficult.)

Me: “Ugh! I just can’t do it! Man, I must be stupid.”

Boyfriend: “Aw, it’s okay.”

Me: “Shouldn’t that be, ‘No, you’re not’?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

(My boyfriend and I are cuddling in bed watching TV, whispering sweet nothings to each other. A commercial for the Robot Chicken Star Wars Trilogy comes on.)

Me: “Jackpot!”

Boyfriend: “I know! But it doesn’t come on until next Monday.”

Me: “I was talking about you.”

Boyfriend: *pause* “I love you.”

Me: “I wish I could be mad.”

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(My boyfriend and I are watching a zombie movie.)

Me: “If I was a zombie, promise you’ll shoot me?”

Boyfriend: “I would shoot you, then shoot myself. Because I can’t live without you.”

Me: “Aww. That’s so sweet.”

(Since we got together, I occasionally declare in a childish voice that I want a
pony. My fiancée has yet to come up with a response other than, ‘You’re not getting a
pony!’)

Me: “I want a pony!”

Fiancée: “You can’t get a pony. You couldn’t even ride it. You’re too big.”

(I indicate a tiny portion of my computer desk.)

Me: “My dreams.”

(I then use my thumb to ‘crush’ the tiny spot as fast as possible.)

Fiancée: “I was going to give you a kiss, but I’m laughing too hard.”

(My boyfriend and I are wrestling on the couch. He threatens to bite my butt, a
joke between us. He is struggling to get my pants off and I am fighting him.)

Boyfriend: “This would be a lot easier if your hips were smaller!”

Me: *extreme death-glare*

Boyfriend: “Well, uh, they’ll come in handy when we have kids?

Me: “Now you know who wears the pants in this relationship, and who’s not
going to be getting in them.”