(My friend is dating a new girl and things are getting serious which is unusual for him, as he usually likes to be single. He brings her to a bar to meet his friends.)

Friend: “We’re a couple now. Now, we have to start doing couple stuff.”

Friend’s girlfriend: “That sounds like it will be embarrassing and cheesy. I don’t want to do stuff like that!”

Friend: “No, it’ll be cool! We can play charades with other couples, finish each others sentences, and make up revoltingly cute pet names for each other.”

Friend’s girlfriend: “No way is that happening. You are so embarrassing sometimes!”

Friend: “Fine, I’ll do it by myself…” *loudly, so everyone in the bar hears* “…schnookums!”

(My husband and I both randomly wake at 4 am. Since neither of us feels like going back to sleep we start fooling around.)

Him: “I love you.”

Me: “I love you too.”

Him: “But, I love you more.”

Me: “No, and I can prove it. I just woke up at 4 am, and rather than going back to sleep I’m fooling around with you.”

Him: “That means nothing!”

Me: “You’re the only person on the planet I would get up at four in the morning to sleep with.”

Him: “I certainly hope so…”

Me: “Shut up, you know what I mean!”

(My boyfriend is dyslexic, and I often spell longer words for him when he’s writing. We’re sitting at our desks, playing around on Facebook. We haven’t said anything to each other for the past ten minutes or so.)

Boyfriend: “How do you spell ‘monogamous’?”

(I spell it for him. Five minutes pass.)

Boyfriend: “How do you spell ‘delightful’?”

(I spell it for him. A few more minutes pass..)

Boyfriend: “Go play Farmville.”

Me: “Ugh, no, I hate it.”

Boyfriend: “Please, go look at my farm? I’ve been changing it around.”

Me: “Fine, okay. I’ll log in and go look.”

(I log in to see that he’s written me a love note in hay-bales on his farm. Dorky and sweet, all at once!)

(My girlfriend and I are deciding what film to watch at the cinema. We are both film geeks, and cannot decide. We ‘rock, paper, scissors’ it. My girlfriends paper covers my rock. Note that we are standing in front of the box office clerk.)

Me: “Wait right there. That wasn’t a rock; it was Wolverine’s fist spouting adamantium claws to shred your pathetic paper.”

Girlfriend: “Well, in that case, my paper was in fact a manifestation of Magneto’s force field, to repel even the most hardened attack of your useless adamantium!”

Me: “See, this is why I love you.”

Girlfriend: “Mutant love rocks!”

(The clerk at the box office was so amused he gave us a ‘mutant special discount’, and we only paid student price!)

(My boyfriend and I are getting together and discussing our relationship.)

Me: “So, would it be okay for me to call you my boyfriend?”

Boyfriend: “Sure.”

Me: “Sure? What would you want me to call you?”

Boyfriend: “Nothing.”

Me: “Nothing?”

Boyfriend: “Hello. This is my nothing, [boyfriend’s name].”