Coming Soon: My Big Fat Greek Divorce

, , , , | Right Romantic | March 12, 2010

(A man comes up to the box office with his wife.)

Customer: “Two tickets, please.”

Me: “Sure, what movie.”

(Male customer just points at his wife. She does not notice.)

Me: “Uh, sir, I need to know which movie you’d like to see.”

(Continues to just point at his wife.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

Customer: “She’s a Big, Fat, Greek Woman!”

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Contractions Speak Louder Than Words

, , , , , | Romantic | March 7, 2010

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help?”

Customer: “I want to make a complaint about the lady who just served my wife. She is eight-months pregnant. When she came to pay, the checkout girl didn’t offer to help with the packing. She let my wife struggle!”

Me: “I’m really sorry. It’s store policy to ask if the customer needs help with the packing. Do you have the receipt so I can see who served her?”

(I walk over to the till and show the checkout girl the receipt. She explains what happened. I return to the customer.)

Me: “Hi, sir. The checkout girl explained that your wife was on her phone at the till. She asked a few times if she needed help packing but she didn’t answer. I’m confident we did all we could to help.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not good enough. I want some money back on the shopping for the poor service. My wife is pregnant and in a lot of pain and had to struggle on her own. No one helped her.”

Me: “This receipt is from a few minutes ago. Can I ask where you were?”

Customer: “I sat in the car waiting for her to come back. What’s that got to do with anything?”

 

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Gives New Meaning To ‘Manually Eject’

, , , , | Romantic | January 15, 2010

(An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”

Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”

Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”

(I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a porn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)

Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”

Wife: *silently fuming*

At Least They Made It To The Paper Anniversary

, , | Right Romantic | November 19, 2009

(I am waiting to bag a couple’s groceries. The man walks to the end of the register and looks me straight in the eyes.)

Customer: *out of earshot of wife* “Let me tell you something.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “If you ever think you love a woman and want to marry her, run away.”

Me: *chuckling* “All right, I’ll keep that in mind. So, are plastic bags okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

(As I put items into a plastic bag, the man’s wife joins him.)

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, can we actually have paper bags?”

Customer: “I can’t even make this decision?”

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Age Is But A (Phone) Number

, , , , | Romantic | October 14, 2009

(I’m dealing with a male customer in his forties or fifties at the checkout stand.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have it with me.”

Me: “That’s perfectly fine. Can I have your phone number?”

Customer: “Uh… can I ask you a personal question?”

Me: “Sure?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “I’m seventeen.”

Customer: “Awesome! I’m gonna go home and tell my wife a seventeen-year-old asked for my number. Thanks!”

 

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