Romantically Centsless

| Dublin, Ireland | Romantic | November 5, 2011

(My boyfriend runs a catering company, and travels around in a refrigerated food-storage van. This day, he’s been working in a hotel about two hours away, near a milkshake and smoothie bar that I love.)

Boyfriend: “Hey honey, I’m home. I was near that milkshake bar earlier that you love, so I bought you a Chocolate Malt and stuck in in the fridge in my van. Here you go.”

Me: “Aw, that’s so sweet! Thank you, I love these things.”

Boyfriend: “So, that’s €4.95 you owe me for it. I have five cents if you don’t have change.”

Me: *speechless*

Boyfriend: “So, what’s for dinner?”

I’m Not Gay, But My Boyfriends Are, Part 2

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Romantic | November 4, 2011

(It’s a Friday. I’m chatting with customers while making their drinks. An attractive woman approaches my bar. Note: I’m a gay male, and few have trouble figuring that out.)

Me: “Doing anything exciting this weekend?”

Attractive woman: *glares* “I’m spending my weekend with my really jealous boyfriend.”

Me: “Oh? I’m spending my weekend with my boyfriend too!”

(She looks confused, then embarrassed, grabs the first drink out, and quickly leaves the store.)


The Not-So-Gentleman Caller

, | Nevada, USA | Romantic | November 4, 2011

(While at home, the phone rings and I answer.)

Caller: “Hi, will you be my girlfriend?”

Me: “Um, who’s this?”

Caller: “I’m me. I’m kinda dialing random numbers in the phone trying to find someone.”

(I think it’s one of my friends.)

Me: “Alright, quit joking around. Who’s this?”

Caller: “My name’s Joe. I’m looking for a girlfriend. And–”

Me: “I have a boyfriend and I do not appreciate random calls like this. Thank you.” *click*

(A few minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Caller: “Hey, what’s wrong, sweetie? We haven’t got to know each other yet.”

Me: “Go away or I’ll call the police.”

Caller: “Fine, you’re boring anyway. I’ll keep dialing random numbers until I find someone who cooperates.” *click*

Bosomless Buddies

| Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | November 4, 2011

(My friend and I walk into our apartment late one night to find our boyfriends discussing the perfect woman. Without them knowing, we silently stand right behind them and listen in on the entire conversation.)

My boyfriend: “A blonde with blue eyes and C-Cups, that’s where it’s at.”

Friend’s boyfriend: “Completely. No questions asked. We just need to find some.”

(At this point, my friend speaks up.)

Friend: “Good luck with that!”

(Our boyfriends turn around, both of them with shocked faces.)

Me: “Well, [friend] and I are going to take our brown hair and B-Cups to bed to sleep. You two can share the couch.”

(Needless to say, they did a lot of apologizing for the next few weeks.)

Tit For Tat Whether Fit Or Fat

, | Ramsgate, Kent, UK | Romantic | November 3, 2011

(I should point out that I have a set spiel for dealing with customers that come in pairs, and that the pair here were of a decidedly rotund bent.)

Me: “Right, three tokens. One each, and a fight.”

Male Customer: *laughs* “Oh, we don’t fight.”

Female Customer: “Yes we do, [name]. It just only happens when you’re wrong about something.”

Male Customer: “Like when I say you can still fit into your wedding dress?”

Female Customer: “Like when you say you can fit into doors.”

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