Rise And Asinine

| Long Island, NY, USA | Working | July 6, 2013

(I’ve just had serious surgery and am recuperating in the hospital. A kind relative brings me sushi, but this turns out to be a big mistake as I get violently ill. They call my doctor in the middle of the night, who notes it on my chart. As a result, I am completely exhausted in the morning when an RN comes in to wake me up.)

RN: “Get up now! You’ll need to wash yourself and brush your teeth!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

RN: “You must get up NOW and do these things.”

Me: “Please go away and leave me alone.”

RN: “I SAID, GET UP NOW!”

(After several minutes of arguing, I’m fed up and yell back at the RN.)

Me: “GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME TO DIE, WILL YOU ALREADY?!”

(The RN storms out of the room. However, the head nurse comes in a few minutes later.)

Head Nurse: “I need to speak with you immediately. I had a very troubling report from the RN. He said you refused to get up.”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Head Nurse: “He said you wanted to commit suicide.”

Me:  “I—wait, WHAT?! What on earth are you talking about?!”

Head Nurse: “I’m sorry, but we have to talk about this.”

Me: *lightbulb goes off* “No, I told him I was not getting up right now because I spent the entire night so violently ill that they had to call my doctor in the middle of the night!”

(The head nurse realizes that there’s been a misunderstanding and turns fire engine red with embarrassment.)

Head Nurse: “Oh. My. GOD! I am so very, very sorry! You see, he was just transferred here from working in the psych ward, where they are trained to report threats of suicide.  He misunderstood.”

Me: “If he’d even bothered to open my chart before he came in, he’d have seen how ill I was last night and that I am in no condition to even sit up at this point.”

Head Nurse: “You are absolutely right. I’ll speak with him about this!”

(Thankfully, they switched out my RN and gave me someone who was much kinder–and who read my chart!)

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