Rise And Asinine

| Working | July 6, 2013

(I’ve just had serious surgery and am recuperating in the hospital. A kind relative brings me sushi, but this turns out to be a big mistake as I get violently ill. They call my doctor in the middle of the night, who notes it on my chart. As a result, I am completely exhausted in the morning when an RN comes in to wake me up.)

RN: “Get up now! You’ll need to wash yourself and brush your teeth!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

RN: “You must get up NOW and do these things.”

Me: “Please go away and leave me alone.”


(After several minutes of arguing, I’m fed up and yell back at the RN.)


(The RN storms out of the room. However, the head nurse comes in a few minutes later.)

Head Nurse: “I need to speak with you immediately. I had a very troubling report from the RN. He said you refused to get up.”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Head Nurse: “He said you wanted to commit suicide.”

Me:  “I—wait, WHAT?! What on earth are you talking about?!”

Head Nurse: “I’m sorry, but we have to talk about this.”

Me: *lightbulb goes off* “No, I told him I was not getting up right now because I spent the entire night so violently ill that they had to call my doctor in the middle of the night!”

(The head nurse realizes that there’s been a misunderstanding and turns fire engine red with embarrassment.)

Head Nurse: “Oh. My. GOD! I am so very, very sorry! You see, he was just transferred here from working in the psych ward, where they are trained to report threats of suicide.  He misunderstood.”

Me: “If he’d even bothered to open my chart before he came in, he’d have seen how ill I was last night and that I am in no condition to even sit up at this point.”

Head Nurse: “You are absolutely right. I’ll speak with him about this!”

(Thankfully, they switched out my RN and gave me someone who was much kinder–and who read my chart!)

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