Customer: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”
Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smart-a**.”
Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”
Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream… with caramel… and cashews.”
(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)
Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven-gallon tank?”
Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”
Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”
Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”
Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”
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Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, let’s see. I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”
Customer: “…okay.”
Me: “[University], how may I help you?”
Phone client: “What is this about you recording my call? Are you guys working for CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service)?”
Me: “No, sir, we record some calls in order to ensure the quality of our service. What can I do for you today?”
Phone client: “Are you recording my call right now?”
Me: “I don’t know, sir. Management records calls randomly.”
*Hangs up*
Customer in the drive-thru: “Hi, I’d like a BK Veggie.”
Me: “Sir, you’re at Hardee’s, not Burger King. We don’t have any vegetarian entrees.”
Customer in the drive-thru: “Oh, okay. Thanks anyway.”
(Customer sat there for a few minutes before driving away.)
