(It is Christmas time, and we are all extra wary of credit card fraud, so we are required to check IDs with all credit card purchases.)

Me: “The total is $17.88.”

(Customer pulls out a credit card.)

Me: “Will that be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “All right. Do you mind if I see your ID?”

Customer: “What if I do mind?”

Me: “Then we’re at a stalemate.”

(I folded my arms, and looked at her straight in the eyes.)

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(I am working for the electronics department for a well known retail chain when I was contacted by the customer service desk.)

Customer Service: “A woman is headed your way who’s exchanging a phone, can you give her a hand?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Sure enough, a minute or two later, the woman appears.)

Woman: “I’m here to get a new phone. The phone I bought had been used already; there were phone numbers in the caller ID.”

Me: “Alright, let’s get you a new one.”

(I walk her to the phone aisle and we pick up another phone of the same make/model.)

Woman: “Can you open it? I just want to make sure that it is brand new.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I proceed to open the box and pull out the phone.)

Woman: “That one’s been used too! Look at the numbers on the caller ID!”

(I now realize that she’s referring to the display sticker.)

Me: “No, that’s just a sticker they put on the phone to show that it has caller ID.”

Woman: “No, that phone has been used!”

(I then peel the sticker off the phone. Without saying another word, she takes the phone over to customer service to finish the exchange.)

(I was cashiering and couldn’t help but overhear a woman screaming and waving her receipt at my Store Director in front of the exit/entrance to the store.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I came to see if the food I buy is cheaper than at [competitor] and it is. But they always give me a free bag after I get a certain amount of points!”

Director: “I know they do. But we aren’t them, we simply don’t do that.”

Customer: “Well why not?!”

Director: “We just don’t. It’s not my decision to make.”

Customer: “UGH!” *rips up the receipt and throws it in the directors face* “FINE THEN, I’LL BUY FROM [competitor] INSTEAD!!”

Director: “Okay, have a nice day!” *waves pleasantly and walks over to me to give me change that I needed*

Me: “Did she just leave without getting a refund for those five 40 lb. bags of dog food?”

(Note: this comes to approximately $125 without tax.)

Director: “Yup, and she ripped up the receipt and didn’t take it with her, which means she has no proof she ever bought the food.”

Me: “…so if she comes back?”

Director: *smiles wide* “Tell her that you need to see the proof.”

(The woman never returned for her refund. Thanks for the $125, lady.)

Customer: *looking directly at the draught* “What have you got on tap?”

Me: “We have Stella, Staropramen, Becks Vier, Leffe, Hoegaarden, Franziskaner and Guiness on tap, sir.”

Customer: *sighs* “Have you got Carling?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir…”

(I run through everything on tap again, slightly slower, and clearer this time.)

Customer: “No Budweiser?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir…”

(Again I list everything on draught.)

Customer: “Oh, I suppose I’ll just have a Kronenberg then.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t stock that product, sir.”

Customer: “Sorry, I meant a Fosters.”

Me: *deep breath* “I apologise once again sir, but we don’t serve Fosters. We only serve…”

(I run through the draught again.)

Customer: “Okay, okay…bloody h***, I’m not stupid you know!”

Me: “I apologize if I offended you, sir.”

Customer: “I should think so. Pint of Worthingtons then.”

Me: “…” *deep breath* “Tom! Your customer!”

(The phone rings at around six-ish.)

Me: “Hello, this is D-…”

(I hear loud crying in the background.)

Man: “Hello, Disney World? I’m just calling to say that if my children don’t finish their vegetables in the next five minutes, we won’t be visiting you this year.”

Me: “I… er… What?”

Man: *whispering* “Thank you.” *click*