(Hot summer day temperature in the nineties. Tons of people in line because the shop is in an amusement park and everybody wants soft ice cream, which makes the soft ice even softer as it doesn’t have time to chill properly. A male customer, who bought soft ice cream for his family thirty minutes or so earlier, comes up to the window very upset.)

Customer: “The soft ice cream is melting! My kids are a total mess!”

Me: “Well, it is hot outside, what are you gonna do?”

Customer: “You should put up a sign to let people know that it will melt!”

Me: “I don’t assume my customers are idiots.”

(The customer bangs the ice cream cone on the counter and storms off. The next customer in line looks at me and laughs:)

Next Customer: “I’ll guess I’ll just have the regular ice cream then.”

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Customer: “Hello, can I please get a turkey burger?”

Me: “You mean a turkey sandwich?”

Customer: “No, I mean a turkey burger!”

Me: “Miss, we don’t sell turkey burgers here.”

(Another customer orders a soy patty.)

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! That woman just got one!”

Me: “That is a soy patty.”

Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME!”

This story is part of our Junk Food Day roundup!

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Read the Junk Food Day roundup!

(It’s December 24th, the last day for Christmas shopping.)

Customer: “Do you have a Nintendo Wii?”

Me: “No, sir, unfortunately we are all sold out.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s just pretty much the top holiday item, sir, and we have been selling out of the Wiis non-stop since last November.”

Customer: “When do you get them in?”

Me: “I don’t know. Not until after February, probably.”

Customer: “D**n it! I have kids, you know! Show some sympathy!”

Me: “So do probably 70 of the 100 people in line behind you, sir. Now, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “What if I slip you a $20?”

Me: “What about, no.”

Customer: *obviously thinking I’m stupid* “Well, sell me the box you have right there up on the corner of your shelf, you liar!”

Me: “I can’t sell it to you, but I guess I could give it to you for free if it makes you feel better. There’s nothing in there, by the way…”

(Customer apparently completely ignores that last line.)

Customer: “H***, YEAH! I GOT MYSELF A WII! HAHAHAHAHA! MERRY CHRISTMAS, SUCKERS!”

(Crowd stands with death glares fixated on me and the guy.)

Me: *hands him the box* “Merry Christmas… Next person, please.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F***?! GOD D***! S***! There’s nothing in this d*** box!”

Next Customer: “That’s because he said that was just a display box. He gave it to you just so you could be happy and you accepted it, moron!”

(The crowd of customers returned to holiday mode.)

Customer: “Is this the children’s department?”

Associate: “Yes this is.”

Customer: “And where’s the little girl’s?”

Associate: “Right over around the corner.”

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to do your job?”

Associate: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “You know, you pick out my outfits for me.”

Associate: “Like a personal shopper?”

Customer: “What is this, some sort of self-service store?”

Associate: “Typically, customers shop for themselves.”

Customer: “Well, fine! I’m going to shop somewhere else!”

(It’s Christmas Eve and there is a long line of customers who are now waiting to pay. A little girl cuts to the front while I am giving a guy a drink refill.)

Little Girl’s Mom: *to the refill guy* “UGH! Did you just cut her?”

(The mom smacks the guy on the head; surprisingly, he just walks off with his soda.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Little Girl’s Mom: “Don’t ask me, ask her! She’s your customer; you should be asking her. God, it’s people like you who ruin the holidays!”

Me: *to the little girl* “Okay, what would you like?”

(The little girl just stares blankly at me while customers are becoming pissed.)

Little Girl’s Mom: *coming clean* “Just give me a diet [Soda]. It’s for me.”