(I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

(The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)

(A woman enters with one of our store bags in her hand and a receipt in the other.)

Me: “Hello, is this a return?”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

(I take a glance at the receipt.)

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t do returns after thirty days of the purchase. You bought this item over four years ago.”

Customer: “What’s your point?”

Me: “Well, I can’t return this, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess that’s fine. I’ll be back. I need to buy a few things.”

(The customer gets back in line after fifteen minutes.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Sure did! Here’s a coupon I have for my purchase.”

(I glance down at the coupon.)

Me: “Ma’am, this coupon expired over three years ago.”

Customer: “Why does your store not honor this? It’s a coupon!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s an expired coupon.”

(The customer angrily storms off, taking her unpaid item with her out the door. I am forced to write down her license plate number and call the cops on her.)

(We have an offer in-store: buy one backpack, get another backpack free. A customer comes to me to pay for one backpack and a pair of shoes.)

Me: “Sorry, but the promotion only works when you buy two backpacks. You will then get one of them free.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. So it’s just backpacks… just backpacks… just backpacks… backpacks.”

(The customer wanders off, presumably in search of another backpack. She eventually returns.)

Customer: “This, please.” *shows me a belt*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the belt isn’t in the deal.”

Customer: “But I’m buying a backpack… A BACKPACK! You said it was free with a backpack!”

Me: “I’m sorry. What I meant was that you can get a free backpack with your other backpack.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(The customer wanders off again, and once again returns with a new item.)

Customer: “I’ll just take these, then.” *shows me a pair of shoes*

Me: “Those aren’t in the deal either, I’m afraid. It’s only backpacks.”

Customer: “But it’s two of the same! You said they had to be the same!”

(After going back and forth for another five minutes, I finally take her to pick out a backpack, specifically. She pays and leaves, still mumbling about “two of the same”.)

(It’s July 1st, so I am running the system to send the bills to all clients, as usual. I get a caller sounding very stressed.)

Caller: “Hi there. About the bill you just sent us: the due date is July 30th, but we are willing to pay this already tomorrow. Could you please change the due date for me?”

Me: “Good morning, sir. About the due date, there’s no problem to pay it tomorrow. You have 29 days left to pay it. Feel free to do it any time before the due date.”

Caller: “Yes, but I don’t wanna pay any taxes over this due to delays. So, could you please change the due date for tomorrow instead?”

Me: “Sir, you can easily proceed with the payment tomorrow with no further taxes. The reason why the due date is set as the last day in the month is so that you can pay it anytime you want. So, feel free to do it any day before day thirty.”

Caller: *raised voice* “Do you just not understand? Today, it’s day one and your stupid financial department has set a due date that has already passed! Your company hires the stupidest people!”

Me: “Sir, could you please tell me what month is now?”

Caller: *long pause* “Hmm…”

Me: “You are aware that month number 07 is July, not June?”

Caller: *click*

Me: “Sir?”

(Another employee and I are working the drive-thru and we both are able to talk to customers at the speaker box.)

Male Coworker: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Well, I’ll take a number two and a number seven.”

(At this point, my coworker has to talk to another customer, so I finish talking to the customer. I am a woman.)

Me: “Okay, and what would you like to drink with those?”

Customer: “Wh-What happened to the MAN I was talking to?”

Me: “I’m sorry… he was helping another customer for a moment. Did you not want to talk to me?”

Customer: “That’s just rude and confusing for the customer!”