(I’m cashiering at a large department store. I have a customer who is really pushing my buttons by requesting different things in different bags and just being a pain in the butt. By the time she’s ready to pay, I just want her out of there.)

Me: “Ma’am, your card was declined. You can try it again though, if you like.”

Customer: “Wow, that’s weird. This card is brand new.”

(She swipes it again, signs, and it is once again declined.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it still won’t go through. Do you have another card?”

(The customer spends ten minutes looking through her wallet and finally emerges with another card and swipes it through. She keeps looking at her first card while the second card is processing.)

Customer: “Do you think it didn’t work cause I didn’t activate it?”

Me: “Yeah, probably.”

Customer: “Why do they make you do that anyway?!”

(I am working as the host at a family restaurant. It’s a particularly busy night, so I am taking down names on the waitlist.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Customer: “It’s going to be six with two kids.”

Me: “So, a total of six people?”

Customer: “No, eight!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Okay, a total of eight. I got you down.”

(Their party has to wait for around thirty minutes to be seated. Right after we seat them, the woman comes back up to the front.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me! How do you expect us to fit at this table?!”

Me: “Well, that table can usually hold eight people. It seats four on one side and four on the other.”

Customer: “But we have thirteen people!”

Me: “Ma’am, when I asked you the total amount of people, you told me eight.”

Customer: “No, I told you eight adults and three children!”

Me: “But that only adds up to eleven–”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! We can’t fit!”

(A customer is returning a large pile of overdue books – about ninety for the entire family. She’s waiting while I process them in order to pay the fine.)

Me: “Well, they’re not very overdue. It’s just that there’s a lot of them.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry they’re late.”

(I scan the last few books.)

Me: “Okay, over the three cards, there’s $50 in fines, but I’ll halve that to $25 as they’re not too late.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks so much. I just couldn’t get them in as we’ve all had scarlet fever.”

(I look at the pile of books, every one of which I have handled.)

Me: “Oh…”

(I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)

Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”

Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

(This takes place while the customer is ordering at the drive-through speaker.)

Customer: “I want a [popular combo].”

Me: “What kind of drink?”

Customer: “No drink.”

Me: “Is that all?”

Customer: “No, I also want a Dr. Pepper on the side.”