Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Tech Support. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

Caller: “It’s too bright!”

Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

Caller: “The light!”

Me: “What light are you talking about?”

Caller: “The light on the box!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

Caller: “Internet light!”

Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

Caller: “The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

Caller: “No, do you think that would work?”

Me: “Possibly.”

Caller: “Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Hello, my sister just bought this item at one of your other stores, and it was much cheaper. Here it’s $49, but she got hers for $20. You should do this for the same price.”

Me: “Hmm, that’s odd. All stores should have the same sales, and that item is already on a very good special. I don’t think it would go for $20. But I will check with the store to see if this was on special there, and if it is we can do it for the same price. Which store did your sister go to? I’ll call them now.”

Customer: “Oh, here… I’ll call my sister, and she’ll tell you that she got it cheaper!”

Me: “I actually need to call the store she was at and speak to a staff member who can check for me. Your sister can tell me the price, but I can’t authorise a price override just from talking to another customer. I need to speak to the other store.”

(The customer ignores me and dials her sister anyway. She speaks to her in another language for a while, then hands the phone to me.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Store]. Your sister tells me you got a [item] for a discounted price?”

Customer’s Sister: “Yes, I got it for $20 at another store today.”

Me: “Okay, that’s great, but I’m going to have to call that store to check. Which one did you go to?”

Customer’s Sister: “Uh… the [Suburb] store.”

Me: “Oh? That’s very interesting since they closed down three and a half years ago. Thanks for your time!”

Customer: *quickly leaves without her item*

(After receiving excellent customer service from a representative, I ask to be transferred to a supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Hello, I’m [Name]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hello! I was just working with [Name Of Rep], and I wanted to tell someone what a great job she did. She was patient, friendly, efficient, and knowledgeable, and she really helped me out.”

Supervisor: “I’m very glad to hear that! Thanks so much for bringing this to my attention! I sincerely apologize!”

Me: “Um… you apologize?”

Supervisor: “Oops. I meant to say ‘appreciate’. I guess I’m just used to taking calls and immediately having to apologize.”

Me: *laughing* “No worries whatsoever. I work in customer service, too.”

Supervisor: “Oh! Then you know.”

(I’m female and work at a smaller car rental business. I’ve had my fair share of bizarre customers, but this one takes the cake.)

Caller: “Hello! I would like to rent a car!”

Me: “Of course! We have many different cars. Got any idea of what size you need?”

Caller: “No, just the smallest and cheapest car you have, for one day only.”

Me: “Okay, then. The price is [price]. Remember to bring a credit card and a driver’s license when you come to pick it up.”

Caller: “My own?”

Me: “Um yes. Your own credit card and driver’s license.”

Caller: “But I don’t have a license!”

Me: “Well, if you lost it, you can swing by the nearest police station. They can print out a valid replacement.”

Caller: “But I don’t have one!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t help you then. You need a license to drive a car in Norway.”

Caller: “IT’S JUST A RENTAL CAR!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s still a car, and you drive it on roads. Therefore, you need training and a license.”

Caller: “Are you making fun of me?! Are you stupid?! I want to talk to a man!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there are no men working here. There are just two girls here at work.”

Caller: “This is an outrage! I know the law and a rental car is not a real car! It’s like a bumper car! You know, like the ones in a theme park! You don’t need a license for that!”

Me: “Um, what?!”

Caller: “Yeah! I bet you didn’t know that! It’s okay, you’re a girl. I don’t expect girls to know things like that. I just need a car I can have some fun with. You know, drive around in circles and such.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But may I suggest [Theme Park]? They have bumper cars. You can even crash them into things.”

Caller: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yup. It’s way cheaper than renting a car.”

Caller: “Thank you! I just love driving in circles!” *hangs up*

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but can I ask you something?”

Coworker: “Sure thing, sir.”

Customer: “You’re Asian, yes?”

Coworker: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Which part of Asia are you from?”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m from Thailand.”

Customer: “What? You just told me you were Asian!”

Coworker: “Yes, I am, sir. Thailand is part of Asia.”

Customer: “No, it’s not!”

Coworker: *stays silent*

Customer: “Oh yeah, I remember now. Vietnam is that little island next to Korea!”