(A husband and wife are staying at our hotel because they are visiting the wife’s father, whose own wife is giving birth. One evening, the husband and father-in-law come stumbling into our front office.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Husband: “Quick, I need… um…” *turns to father-in-law* “What’s the word…”

Father-In-Law: *shrugs*

(The husband says the word several times in another language. My coworker hears this and approaches.)

Coworker: *to me* “I got it.”

(My coworker speaks to them in the language they were speaking. She then nods, calls them a taxi, and enters a note on their account for the manager.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Coworker: “Well, you know how he and his wife were here to celebrate with her dad?”

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker: “Yeah, well, since his wife is pregnant and can’t drink, he and his father-in-law were in the hotel bar alone. The father-in-law wanted to tell him he was ordering traditional Irish baby gifts when they got a call that his wife had gone into labor.”

Me: “Oh wow! That’s great! Wait… what was he confused about, then?”

Coworker: “Oh, they were too drunk to remember the English words for ‘hospital’ and ‘taxi’.”

Me: “I’m so glad you weren’t on your lunch break!”

(I’m a supermarket cashier and have 5 minutes left on my shift. I therefore put my “Closed” sign up as I finish with my current customers. However, a customer walks right past the sign and starts putting his items on the belt. Seeing as he only has a few items, I let it slide and serve him.)

Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer: “Fine…”

Me: *begins ringing up his items*

Customer: “Hey, my bread is supposed to be 50% off! It rang up full price!”

(The customer shows me the pink “Reduction” sticker our store uses to discount certain items. This sticker was on the bottom of his bread.)

Me: “Oh! No worries, sir. It’s an easy fix! Sorry about that.”

(I proceed to void the bread, hit the “Reduction” key on my register, and then scan the bread again.)

Customer: “How can you be a cashier if you’re going to miss obvious things like that! You shouldn’t be in the customer service industry if you’re going to be friggin’ oblivious! Gah, this is why I hate this store!”

Me: “Sir… I’m only human. Human beings make mistakes and miss things sometimes, just like you missed my closed sign when you walked up to my cash. I, however, didn’t bother calling you out on it. Your total is $11.03.”

Customer: *sheepishly looks at my sign* “…Debit.”

Me: *big smile* “Have a WONDERFUL evening, sir.”

(It’s around closing time and two customers walk in. One is a regular and the other is a frazzled looking woman who is talking to herself while digging in her wallet.)

Woman: *mutters to herself* “No money, but I need gas. I wouldn’t worry, but the fuel light is flashing…”

(She glances my way and I notice that she’s on the verge of tears.)

Me: “Ma’am? Can I help you?”

Woman: “I really need gas but this is all I have.” *opens her hand to reveal $0.42*

Me: “I know how that is. Tell you what… why don’t you go pump $5 and I’ll pay for it, okay?”

Woman: *wide-eyed* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. Go ahead, I’ve got it.”

(The woman walks out looking less distressed. However, the regular gives me a stern frown.)

Me: “What?”

Regular: “Why’d you do that?”

Me: “Because I could only afford to let her get $5. If I wasn’t broke right now, I would have told her to go for $20.”

Regular: “No, why did you let her get gas on your dime? She could have been lying for all you know!”

Me: “She looked lost as a goose and terrified. I doubt she was lying. Even if she was, it’s my money, not yours.”

Regular: “Hmph!” *pays for his items and leaves*

(As for the woman, she actually came back in the store, wanting my address to send me the money but I insisted it was fine!)

(I am working late at night at a small, family-owned store when a customer comes in.)

Customer: “Hey, do you have any aliens in here?”

Me: “Yeah, we have these alien action figures…”

(I bring her over to where they are.)

Customer: “No, I want a live alien, like, in a cage. You have those here right?”

Me: “…No.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Then do you have any aliens that are petrified in some kind of goo?”

Me: “No, we don’t carry anything like that here. Maybe you should try the internet?”

Customer: “Oh! Great idea. Thanks so much!”

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(An elderly male customer comes up to me at work and shows me his shopping list.)

Customer: “Do you carry these dryer sheets?”

(He shows me the list, which reads “Bounty sheets.”)

Me: “Sir, Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. I think you mean Bounce.”

Customer: “My wife wrote it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure she just made a mistake.” *I show him our selection of dryer sheets* “As you can see, we don’t carry Bounty. I’m sure she meant Bounce.”

Customer: “Do you think another store would have them?”

Me: “No, sir, I promise you it would be a wasted trip. Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. They only do paper towels and napkins. My best guess is that your wife meant Bounce.”

Customer: “Okay, but if she yells at me, I’m blaming you.”

Me: *laughing* “Go right ahead.”

(The customer buys Bounce. I see him a week later.)

Customer: “You were right about the dryer sheets! Thanks for making me look smart!”

(I made a new best friend that day!)