Customer: “Do you copy DVDs?”

Me: “Yes we do, as long as they don’t contain copyrighted material.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “We can copy your DVDs if they consist of content that you created.”

Customer: “Well, it’s a season of a TV show.”

Me: “That would be copyrighted.”

Customer: “Oh, no it’s not.”

Me: “Yes, TV shows are copyrighted.”

Customer: “But it was recorded legally.”

Me: “What do you mean it was recorded legally?”

Customer: “My friend recorded it for me.”

Me: “That would be illegal.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. He pays for his cable, and he copied a series for me, and I want another copy of it.”

Me: “Yes, that’s illegal.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you have to pay for cable too if you want to watch it. And you can probably buy them on DVD at the store.”

Customer: “Nope, not this show!”

Me: “Well it’s still illegal. I won’t be able to copy them.”

Customer: “Ugh!”

Customer: “Hi, I would like a small latte, please.”

Me: “Would you like a flavor shot added to your latte?”

Customer: “Do you have any sugar-free flavors?”

Me: “Yes.” *points to the menu* “Our flavor shots are listed here, we have sugar-free vanilla, caramel, hazelnut, raspberry.”

Customer: “Hmm, no thanks. I really shouldn’t have any sugar added to my drink. Can you just put honey in it?”

(I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

Me: “Um… sure?”

Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia’s largest household hardware chain]?”

Me: “Um, probably here?”

Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

Guy #1: “Exactly!”

Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

Guy #2: “I give up.”

Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

This story is part of the Zombies roundup!

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(I am working alone in a very crowded kiosk. A customer points at a soda refrigerator.)

Customer: “Can you tell me which ones do and don’t have gas in them?”

Me: “Gas?”

Customer: “Yes, gas! I want one without gas!

Me: “Oh, okay I think you mean carbona—”

Customer: “I mean gas! I don’t like it.”

Me: “Well I’m sorry to tell you this, but everything else except for regular spring water has ‘gas’ in them.”

(The customer keeps staring at the refrigerator quietly, then picks up one soda.)

Customer: “Does this one have gas in it?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How about this one?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Hmmm. How about this one?”

Me: “Yes. As I said, only spring water doesn’t contain any gas. All the others do.”

Customer: “Well, I think I’ll take this one anyway and try out for myself.”

Me: “Okay, great, that’ll do two euros.”

(After about 10 minutes, the customer comes back.)

Customer: “MISS! IT DOES HAVE GAS IN IT!”

Customer #1: “Four shots of Jameson, please. But can we have them for free?”

Me: “Ha ha, no.”

Customer #1: “Can we at least have a discount?”

Customer #2: “We’re all bartenders too!”

Customer #1: “Except for me. I’m a personal trainer.”

Me: “Do people ever ask you for free stuff?”

Customer #1: *annoyed* “Yeah, they want, like, a free hour with me.”

Me: “So, what do you do?”

Customer #1: “I SHUT IT DOWN! Just like you did. Good job. High five!”

(They paid for all the shots, and tipped two dollars for each.)