Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]! Anything I can do for you?”

(Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for ten minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

Me: “Uh… those were the opening credits.”

This story is part of the Bad-Gamer-Customer-themed roundup!

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Customer: “I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tastes like it spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have ninety days to return this item, and you bought it over five months ago.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!”

Me: *looks in box* “Ma’am, this is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?”

Customer: “I told you. I ate it!”

This story is part of the Extreme Refunders roundup!

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(A customer drives up to my window and hands me a ticket.)

Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8, please.”

(The customer hands over the money and then looks at the screen which displays the charge amount.)

Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

Me: “The clock is on military time.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

This story is part of the Telling Time roundup!

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Me: “This is [Law Firm]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you located on the fifth floor?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, I am on the fifth floor and there are no offices here.”

Me: “There are three law firms on the fifth floor, ma’am. We are the one all the way to the right of the elevator.”

Customer: “No, there are no offices on this floor. It’s totally open. And, it’s hot.”

Me: “Hot?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s hot. I think you gave me the wrong address.”

(I verify the address, and the customer has the correct address.)

Customer: “Well, it’s just an open floor. I got out of my car up here and there’s no office.”

Me: “Are you… are you on the fifth floor of the parking garage?”

(My office window looks out at the roof (fifth) level of the parking garage. Sure enough, there is a woman on her cell phone pacing around the roof level of the parking garage.)

Customer: “You told me to go to the fifth floor.”

Me: “Of the office building, ma’am, not of the parking garage.”

Me: “Thank you for calling Business Care. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, hi. Just a quick question… My phone is about to die. Is there a way you guys can, like, charge my phone on your guys’ end?”

Me: “Uh, no it needs to be plugged in.”

Caller: “Oh, darn, thought there was a way… Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure.”

Caller: “Couldn’t you at least try?”

This story is included in our impossible requests roundup!

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