(A customer comes up holding up a copy of the Swedish version of ‘The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’.)

Customer: “Is this in Swedish?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, however it comes provided with English subtitles or with English dubbing. The DVD will give you the option before the movie starts.”

Customer: “Hmmm, shame… I don’t speak Swedish.”

Me: “Well, ‘dubbing’ means you can listen to it entirely in the English language. You just have to select the English dubbed option at the start of the movie and you won’t have to listen to it in Swedish at all!”

Customer: “But the main actors are Swedish, yes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And the entire cast is Swedish, yes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Hmmm…” *appears to think about this for a minute* “No, I think I’ll leave it. I don’t speak any Swedish at all. Thanks for your help!”

This story is part of the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!

Read the next Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup story!

Read the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!

(I live in a small town; as such, little stories such as ‘so and so made this all star team’ or ‘this person went to a university’s honor band” frequently appear in the newspaper. During high school, I was part of the later group until I started university, where my name would continue to appear in the Dean’s List published at the end of each semester. At this moment, university has been out for a week, while the high schools are finishing up their school year.)

Customer: “Hey, why aren’t you in school?”

Me: “Beg pardon?”

Customer: “It’s 11:00 AM; not even the students with special privileges to work during school hours should be out yet! Why are you not at [School] and working here?”

Me: “Sir, I graduated a few years ago.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! I just saw your name in the paper for some fancy list.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the Dean’s List? Yes, I’m happy that I got on it this semester. I was taking a full load of classes!”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be done yet! School doesn’t finish for another three weeks.”

Me: “Sir, I no longer attend [High School]. Instead, I—”

Customer: *shocked* “You dropped out?! After all those times you were in the paper for music and smart stuff? What in the world possessed you to do that?!”

Me: “I didn’t drop out sir. I just—”

Customer: “Where is your manager? I need to talk to him about hiring drop outs, even if they appear to be smarticle like you!”

(Yes, he did use the word ‘smarticle.’)

Me: *pulls university ID card out of pocket wallet* “Please read the date this was issued.”

Customer: “Summer 2010?”

Me: “Yes. Now, why would I have a university ID card?”

Customer: “Because you go to that university?”

(I wait.)

Customer: “Oh… yeah. That was the college list, wasn’t it?” *gathers up items, pays, and leaves*

False Accusations! This week, we feature five stories where customers make (and get called out for making) false accusations!

1. Where There’s Smoke (2,389 Thumbs Up)
   What do you get when you make a false accusation over a false fire alarm? A true fire!
2. We Prefer Hipsters Over Hellcats (1,566 Thumbs Up)
   A hipster-hating customer goes nuclear… over a pair of prescription Ray-Bans.
3. Killing One Cold Bird With Two Stores (2,969 Thumbs Up)
   A fast food patron chickens out after finding out he’s at the wrong restaurant!
4. On Sale: Humble Pie (2,494 Thumbs Up)
   The next time this grocery customer gets prissy about price, they’ll be sure to check it twice.
5. You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4 (2,908 Thumbs Up)
   There are wrong numbers, and then there are profanity-laden, bomb-threatening tirades like this one!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I am a customer in line at a convenience store. There is one man in front of me who pays for a chocolate milk and leaves. As the cashier is checking me out, the customer with the chocolate milk comes barging back into the store.)

Customer: “Dude, you need to let me exchange this milk. It is out of date!”

Cashier: “Of course. If the milk is out of date, you may certainly get another one.”

(The cashier takes the milk and sets it aside without looking at it while he continues to check me out. The customer disappears toward the back of the store and then comes stomping back to the counter less than a minute later.)

Customer: “ALL of your milks are out of date! What sort of place is this?!”

Cashier: “Really? We just had a delivery…” *checks the date of the chocolate milk he set aside earlier* “This milk is still good! It says December 12th.”

Customer: “Dude, the 12th was at the BEGINNING of the month! We’re at the END of the month!”

Cashier: “No, sir. Today is December 10th.”

Customer: “Nuh-uh! Today is the 26th! Yesterday was Christmas!”

(The cashier shows the customer a calendar hanging behind the counter.)

Cashier: “No, sir. We haven’t had Christmas yet. It’s only December 10th, and Christmas isn’t until the 25th.”

Customer: *dazed look* “Dude…I like, dreamed that yesterday was Christmas! I guess I didn’t get a new car from my Grandma, either. I thought somebody stole it!” *takes his milk and leaves*

This story is part of the Telling Time roundup!

Read the next Telling Time roundup story!

Read the Telling Time roundup!

(I overhear a couple of customers shopping for Christmas lights.)

Customer #1: “Ooh, these are LEDs, so that means no electricity!”

Customer #2: “And that means no cords, right?”

Customer #1: “Well, I’m sure there are SOME cords…”

Customer #2: “Obviously something has to hold them together, but I mean no cords to stretch across the driveway and lawn!”

Customer #1: “Oh! Right!”