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The customer is NOT always right!

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a discount on my services.”

Me: “I’d be glad to see if you qualify for a promotion on a new service–”

Customer: “No, I mean on my current services.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have any promotions like that; they’re only for new services.”

Customer: “Well, this is bull-s***! I shouldn’t have to pay for Spanish channels that I don’t watch and can’t understand. Let the Mexicans pay extra for those, not me!”

Me: “Ma’am, we cater to our demographic, and California as a whole has a very large Hispanic population including MYSELF and my family.”

Customer: “That’s terrible! I’m on a budget and don’t think I should be charged for these.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s just how are services are offered.”

Customer: “Well I’ll tell you this… you better watch out, because before you know it, a MEXICAN is gonna take your job!”

Me: “…all right, then, ma’am. Gracias por llamar a [Empresa] que tenga un buen dia.” *click*

Chippendales, The Golden Years

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

Choose Your Battles

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

(I’m about five-seven, one-hundred forty pounds, and work at a video game store. My best friend is a foot taller, and about a hundred pounds heavier.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh yeah, I bought this stupid hockey game, and I wanna return it ’cause I don’t like it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t simply return a game because you didn’t like it.”

Customer: “Uh… I mean, the game doesn’t work right.”

Me: “Sir, you just told me that you didn’t like the game, not that it was defective.”

Customer: *click*

(Thirty minutes later, I’ve just opened the store and my best friend stops by. The same customer storms in with a game.)

Customer: “Uh, yeah, I just called about thirty minutes ago, and some guy said I could get my money back because I didn’t like this game.”

Me: “Sir, the person you spoke to was me. I’ll tell you now, as I told you then, you can’t get a refund for a game if you don’t like it. Nor can you get an exchange.”

Customer: “Well, I’m just gonna have to come across the counter and kick your a**, you son of a b****!”

My Friend: “Hey, really quick, could I get your name and if you have any severe allergies to painkillers?”

Customer: *to my friend* “Who the h*** are you, and what the h*** are you doing?!”

My Friend: “I’m his wrestling and sparring partner, and I’m calling you an ambulance.”

(The customer leaves, quickly. And yes, my best friend is also my wrestling and sparring partner, for the past three years.)

Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [office]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I need a driver’s license.”

Me: “Okay. You can come to our office; as it is Saturday, we are open until 12:30 pm.”

Caller: “I can’t make it in time; can you fax me one?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s a plastic card, and it can not be faxed or emailed. We also have to take your photo, so this can be done only in person.”

Caller: “It was my birthday yesterday, so my license is expired. Can’t you do it over the phone?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can not send you a plastic license over the phone.”

Caller: “F*** you!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t do that over the phone, either.”

The Danger With Rhetorical Questions

, , , | Right | October 9, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I am in the back office and someone told me that we were supposed to be able to use wireless keyboards, so I cut the cable.”

Me: “You… cut the cable?”

Customer: “Yes, and now it doesn’t work.”

Me: “You cut the cable on your keyboard, and now it doesn’t work?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You’re going to have to buy a new keyboard.”

Customer: “Why? I was told we could use wireless keyboards.”

Me: “That is not a wireless keyboard.”

Customer: “Yes it is.”

Me: “Just because you cut the cord does not make it wireless.”

Customer: “Can’t you just make it work?”

Me: “Does your phone have a cable?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “If you cut it, do you think your phone will work?”

Customer: *line disconnects after twenty seconds of silence*


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