(I work in a call center dealing with Americans and insurance claims. A caller calls from Washington state.)

Caller: “Where am I calling to?”

Me: “That would be Halifax, Nova Scotia, sir.”

Caller: “Where’s that?”

Me: “That’s in Canada, sir.”

Caller: “Whoa… so that’s like a foreign country?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we’re located above the US.”

Caller: “Really? You learn something new every day!”

(After the call ends…)

Supervisor: “You should have told him Nova Scotia and Canada were suburbs of New York.”

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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November 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for last month!

1. Respect The Uniform (2,796 thumbs up)
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4. Tour Guides Are Ready To Answer All Questions And ‘The Question’ (2,510 thumbs up)
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PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I am a security guard at an upscale downtown hotel. I am a Caucasian male and the other employee at the desk is our concierge, a third generation American whose parents immigrated from Iraq. A drunk guest comes in and glares at her. He is also a Caucasian.)

Guest: “Hey, security!”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Guest: “There’s a d*** Muslim at the front desk. You’d better keep an eye on her or she’ll blow us all to h***!”

Me: “Sir, that is our concierge. She’s not going to blow up her place of work. Now, I think it’s time you go to your room.”

(The guest leaves only to return two more times ranting about our concierge. On the third time I inform him to go up or he’ll be kicked out. He does not take it well.)

Guest: “You’re a d*** liberal aren’t you? H***, you’d probably help her plant the d*** bombs!”

Me: *to the concierge* “Please call the police. We have a trespasser.”

(The guest ends up getting into a fight with the police, is arrested, and barred from coming back. The concierge and I begin dating a few weeks later and now, three years later, are celebrating our first anniversary!)

(It’s about 9:50 pm, 10 minutes until we close and a group a customers have just walked in. As I’m serving one of them we start chatting.)

Customer #1: “Sorry for coming in so late. You guys are about to close, right?”

Me: “In a few minutes, yeah. But it’s fine. We don’t mind.”

Customer #2: “Have you guys had dinner?”

Me: “Not yet, our shift started at 5 and we don’t get a break.”

(The two customers look at each other, and then one thrusts a takeaway pizza box at me.)

Customer #1: “Here have this.”

Me: “Oh no, it’s fine. We really can’t.”

Customer #1: “No, take it. We won’t be able to eat it all anyway. You guys should get dinner.”

(They all pay and go, leaving my coworker and me with a free dinner! Customers like these ones make my job bearable!)

(I’m working at the service desk of a large retailer when I’m called into the security office by the asset control associate while he detains and questions a female who was caught shoplifting. I walk in and the woman is obviously in her early 20s. She’s sitting there trying to force out the most fake sobbing I’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend has come in to support her, but at the moment he has to wait outside the room.)

Coworker: “All right, well, the police are on the way and the store manager is on her way up—”

Shoplifter: “No! Please! You can’t do this! I can pay for the stuff!”

Coworker: “Miss, you tried stealing $300 worth of electronics.”

Shoplifter: “No, you don’t get it! I can pay for it! I was just… I wasn’t thinking! I’ve been really stressed!”

Coworker: “Stressed enough to try and walk out the front door with groceries covering a Blu-ray player?”

Shoplifter: “Please! I can pay!”

Coworker: “You had a chance to pay for it when you went through the cash register to pay for your groceries, and you had a chance to pay for it when you walked through the store again, picked it up, and walked right by MORE registers to leave with it.”

Shoplifter: “I just… You’re wearing dog tags, right?! What military branch?”

Coworker: “Marines.”

Shoplifter: “Please! My boyfriend is a marine, too! He just got back from Afghanistan!”

Coworker: “Really?”

(My coworker stands up, opens the door, and looks to her boyfriend who is still standing there waiting.)

Coworker: “Hey, what military branch are you in?”

Boyfriend: “Huh? I just finished boot camp for Air Force.”

Coworker: “Thanks.”

(My coworker shuts the door, and stares at the shoplifter accusingly.)

Coworker: “Air Force boot camp? Really? That’s cheap, miss.”

Shoplifter: “SAME THING!”

Coworker & Me: “It really isn’t.”

Shoplifter: “You guys suck! This is so stupid! Let me pay for it! Don’t call the cops! Please!”

Coworker: “Too late. Speaking of the police, your chariot awaits.”

(The store manager decided to press charges as it turned out she’d stolen from other stores in the area.)