(I take gunsmithing classes. I also deliver pizza as a job and volunteer as a Police Explorer. One night a customer who lives in the projects sees me in uniform.)
Customer: “You deliver pizza!”
Me: “Yes, I do.”
Customer: “Well, you never saw any of that stuff at my place!”
Me: “What stuff?”
Customer: “Exactly! You never saw it!”
(Too bad I never remembered his address. Might have been able to get a warrant to find out what stuff he didn’t have there.)
(I am watching the walk-through metal detector when two teenagers line up to walk through. The first walks through. It doesn’t alarm and he gets excited. Then the second boy walks through…)
Me: “Okay, walk through.”
(The teenager walks through timidly then stops and stares at me.)
Me: “You’re good to go.”
(He then looks at his arms in astonishment.)
Teenager: “Wow, I’m surprised these guns didn’t set it off!”
(I work in a vet clinic. One of my coworkers answers a call from a customer we had a few days earlier.)
Customer: “Yes. I’m calling to complain about the service I received the other day.”
Coworker: “I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “Four days ago, I came over because my dog had parasites. The veterinarian gave me a prescription that says: ‘Give 15CC once daily for three days.’ But I don’t know what CC are.”
Coworker: “I’m sorry about the confusion. CC and milliliters are actually the same. If you look closely on the syringe we gave you, you can see that both CC and ml are written on it, next to the number.”
Customer: “Well, I’ve studied pharmacology and I’ve never heard of CCs so you shouldn’t put it. Also, how am I supposed to give 15CC to my dog if you only gave me a 5ml syringe?”
Coworker: “As I’ve told you, the syringe is graduated in both CC and ml. We give smaller syringe because it makes the medication easier to give. To give 15CC, you have to give three syringes of 5CC.”
Customer: “But I only have one syringe, and I don’t know what CC are!”
Coworker: “So what have you been giving your dog for the past few days?”
Customer: “Well, since your prescription was so unclear, I’ve been giving him one full syringe per day.”
Coworker: “So… you didn’t understand the prescription we gave you, and instead of calling us right away for us to clarify everything you decided to just give him a random amount? And you say you’ve studied in pharmacology?!”
Customer: “Yes, because your instructions were unclear. You really have to tell your vets that their service is severely lacking!”
Coworker: “All right… I’ll give them the message.”
This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!
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(I work for a cinema that has a gaming area attached to it. All the games run on coins only, and there are signs up everywhere stating this. I am the person working in the Games Zone today, and am currently patrolling around the area for game faults or shady characters. A woman with two children approach me.)
Patron: “Excuse me, miss?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
Patron: “Your game is broken. I am very upset. My children really wanted to play on this but it won’t accept our money! It just ate the money and gave us no game!”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes the games do eat the coins. I’ll just fetch some tokens and come over to see if I can get it working.”
Patron: “Well, hurry up! We have a movie starting soon but they really want to play this game first! We don’t have all afternoon!”
(I return to my booth to collect a couple of tokens to put in the machine, to see if I can get the game running. When I return to the game the woman has already seated her children in the seats, in a way that I cannot get to the coin slot.)
Me: “‘Scuse me kids. I just need you to move for a moment.”
Patron: “What are you doing? Kicking my kids off the game?!”
Me: “No. They are in the way of the coin slot, so I can’t put the tokens in. I just need them to shift for a moment.”
Patron: “Geez, just lean over! You’re tall, even I can do that!”
(She snatches my bag of tokens from my hand and gets a few out. She practically smothers her children as she leans over to reach the coin slot, violently jamming the token in. It is obviously not going to go in, as something clearly is blocking it.)
Me: “Ma’am, I just need you to stop trying to shove the token in. Something is blocking the way. I think the money you put in before might have jammed up inside. I just need your kids to move and I’ll see if I can clear it.”
(She scoffs at me and mutters about how stupid the game is, but makes her kids move. I lean down to inspect the coin slot and to my surprise, find a $5 note folded up and jammed in the slot. After a little bit of wriggling I manage to pull it out.)
Me: “Um, did you fold up a note and put it in here?”
Patron: “Yes, that’s mine!”
Me: “Well, that is the problem. The machines only take coins, not notes. The slot doesn’t accept bills of any sort.”
Patron: “Well that’s stupid! Anyway, I did put coins in. I put two $1 coins in, and they wouldn’t go all the way through, so I thought it must take notes instead!”
(I inspect the coin slot again, and after a little wriggling with a key, manage to spot two coins that she has pushed in TOGETHER at the same time, which became wedged. The note had wedged them further down the slot, so I cannot get them out.)
Me: “Well, I’m afraid the coins are well and truly stuck in there now. I cannot get them out and no other coins can get past. Your kids can’t play the game today.”
Patron: “What? Well that is f****** ridiculous! We paid money for this game, it’s still running. Just credit it a game or something by opening up the computer slot or something!”
Me: “I just give out change and put up ‘Out of Order’ signs… I don’t fix games.”
Patron: “Well, you’re useless down here then, aren’t you?!”
(I’m volunteering to make phone calls on Election Day for a political campaign.)
Me: “Hello. This is [My Name) with [Campaign]. I’m calling to make sure—”
Voter: “Why the h*** do you call people like this?! I’m sick of it.”
Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir. I just want to—”
Voter: “Seriously, don’t you think people are smart enough to do their own research? Everyone knows there is an election going on! There is no reason to bother people like this!”
Me: “Again, I’m sorry to bother you, sir. I just wanted to make sure you had a chance to vote today.”
Voter: “Wait… the election is today?! Thank you!”
