(I’m not a thin woman, but never considered myself to be HUGE. I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and it makes it very hard to get my weight to go down, so I’m kind of touchy about it.)

Customer #1: “Aww, when are you due?”

Me: “I’m sorry. Were you just talking to me?”

Customer #1: “Yes, when is your baby due?”

Me: *quietly, so as not to embarrass either of us any further* “I’m not pregnant, miss; I’m just a little large.”

Customer #1: *quite loudly* “What! That’s not a little large. You’re huge! You look like you could pop at any second!”

Me: “Um, well, I’m sorry, but I’m not pregnant, and I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your comments to yourself.”

Customer #1: “It is my duty by God to inform you that you are living an unhealthy lifestyle and gluttony will lead you straight to Hell. What do you weigh? 500lbs!?”

Me: *now on the verge of tears, as EVERY customer is looking at us* “Ma’am, please keep your voice down. First off, no, I weigh 220lbs. I lead a very active lifestyle. I have a disease that makes it hard for me to lose weight. Please, you’re embarrassing me.”

(Another customer, who has witnessed the conversation, approaches.)

Customer #2: “Miss, you need to stop. I can clearly see you’re upsetting her.”

Customer #1: “NO! She must learn the dangers of her ways. It’s not too late for her to repent and change. You get down on your knees right now and beg God for forgiveness and you’ll be saved.”

(At this, she actually pulls a bible from her bag and starts waving it at me.)

Me: “Ma’am, please just buy your items. You’re upsetting me. Please.”

Customer #2: “Ma’am, I’m going to call the police if you do not stop this.”

(I am now crying as the customer is reading furiously from one random passage of the bible, almost screaming. She notices I have a bowl of candy on the table next to the register. She picks it up and flings it.)

Customer #1: “You see! It’s these that cause that! Gluttony! You’ll burn if you don’t repent!”

Me: “Those are for children! I don’t even like suckers!”

Customer #2: *tries to take her by the arm and lead her from the store she smacks him in the head with her bible*

Manager: *comes running from in the back* “What in the world is going on here!?”

Customer #1: “You allow sinful, gluttonous employees here! She must repent or she’ll burn in Hell! It is my duty to make her see the evil of her ways!”

(The customer now goes to the door and opens it and starts screaming this outside at everyone who walks by.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’ve called the police. You need to leave right now. You’ve upset my employee and injured a customer.”

Customer #1: “He’s assisting the devil! He’ll burn with the harlot! You’ll all burn!”

(She rants like this for 10 more minutes before the police arrive and arrest her. The man she hit with the bible had to have dental work done on his front teeth. She was charged with disturbing the peace, harassment, resisting arrest, and assault. She was sentenced to 90 days in jail and a $2,000 fine. My boss gave me a week off with pay.)

(Most of the products in our bakery are dusted with flour. I am running the register when a customer walks up with a dusted loaf of bread.)

Customer: “I wanted to ask: what is this white powder on the bread?”

Me: “It’s just flour, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, then I can’t buy this, then.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “I’m buying this for my daughter, and she can’t eat gluten. Don’t you know? Flour has gluten in it.”

Related:
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought Part 2
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought

This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

Read the next Celiac Awareness Day roundup story!

Read the Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

(I work in a newsagent that sells prepaid credit for mobile phones. The computer that prints out an individualised code to redeem the credit is unable to perform refunds so it is important that our staff triple checks the transaction before we hit the final OKAY. Sometimes customers would find this a little irritating. It was especially important because two of the different phone companies you could buy credit with had similar names. One was one of the major phone companies in Australia, the other very rarely purchased.)

Me: “Sir, I would just like to confirm that you would like to purchase $30 credit to use with your [Less Popular Brand] phone company.”

Customer: “For the last time, yes. How many times do you have to ask me?”

Me: “I do apologise, sir, but we are required to ask twice per transaction because I cannot give you a refund if you change your mind. I have asked you a third time to be extra careful because you have ordered the [Less Popular Brand] which people often misread as the [Popular Brand] one.”

Customer: “It is absolutely right. It is 100% definitely the [Less Popular Brand].”

(I complete the transaction and wish him a wonderful afternoon with a large grin, despite his grumpy attitude. Half an hour later, he storms back into the store, demanding to talk to my manager.)

Customer: “This d*** b**** sold me the wrong f****** credit! I want a refund! I am going to buy my credit card from the other f****** newsagent in the shopping centre!”

(He continued to rant for another ten minutes before my manager realised it wasn’t worth the hassle and gave him a refund. Note: he did go to the other newsagent to buy his phone credit but I don’t think he realised it was the same franchise, with the same owners.)

(I work as a cashier in a drugstore. I see a customer come in the front door empty handed as he goes to the back of the store. He comes to me with a pricey protein pack.)

Customer: “I want my money back for that protein pack. It’s $60.”

Me: “Do you have your invoice?”

Customer: “No, I forgot it at home.”

Me: “I can’t pay you back.”

Customer: “Keep it for me. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

(The customer comes back 15 minutes later.)

Customer: “I didn’t find the receipt, but I’m going to buy it instead.”

Me: “It’s going to cost $60.”

(The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

Me: “I can’t accept that. It’s a fake.”

Customer: “No, I’m sure it’s real. How can you tell?”

Me: “You only printed it on one side, and it’s black and white.”

(Our call centre deals with emergency calls from people who smell gas in their homes.)

Me: “This is [Company]. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “Uhm, yes. I just wanted you to know that it smells strange in my basement. I think it may be gas.”

Me: “Okay. Please give me your address, open all windows, and avoid plugging or unplugging any electronic devices. Our on-call service will be with you within 30 minutes.”

Caller: *gives address* “… Wait, did you said that you will be here in half an hour?”

Me: “Yes, as requested by law.”

Caller: “Wait, no! I can’t stay at home. You need to come later! Can’t I make an appointment?”

Me: “This is an emergency line. Once you reported the incident, we have to act. You can’t leave your house now.”

Caller: “But my son needs to see his music teacher! He’s going to be the next Mozart. You’ll see!”

Me: “Still, you are not allowed to leave. In case you won’t be there, we have to cut your gas line due to secur—”

Caller: “NO! You won’t come NOW! This is your customer’s service?! I will tell all my friends and no one will ever call you again!”

(After that she hung up. Fortunately, the mechanic met her at the door and could check her installation. It was leaky. She still refused to stay, so we shut her down. She wasn’t pleased.)