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The customer is NOT always right!

Jesus, The Only MasterCard You’ll Ever Need

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2008

Me: “Thanks for calling Credit Card Services, how may I help you today?”

Cardmember: “Yeah, I was just looking over my statement and see I was charged a late fee. Why?”

Me: “Well, when we receive a payment past the due date, a late fee is normally assessed to the account. Do you have any idea why we received the payment late?”

Cardmember: “I was on vacation and didn’t send it in until the 12th.”

Me: “Well, the payment was due on the 8th and there is usually at least seven days between customers sending in their payment until we can receive and process them.”

Cardmember: “Well, can you waive that fee for me?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since the fee was billed appropriately, there isn’t any way that it can be removed.”

Cardmember: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”

Me: “How is that in any way relevant to this conversation?”

Cardmember: “Jesus would waive my fee!”

Me: “Jesus wouldn’t own a bank.”

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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 4

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2008

(As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.)

Customer: “When’s the baby coming?”

Me: “What baby?”

Customer: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!”

Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.”

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Who’s Got The Power Now

, , , , | Right | July 11, 2008

Me: “How can I help you?”

Irate Caller: “Yes, I just purchased one of your wireless routers and your stupid tech support in India just told me I have to plug it into an outlet.”

Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am. It needs to be plugged into an outlet to get electrical power.”

Irate Caller: “I purchased a WIRELESS router, so it shouldn’t require wires! Doesn’t it use batteries or something?”

Me: “No, ma’am, ‘wireless’ means you don’t need wires between the computer and the router.”

Irate Caller: “Wireless means WIRE-LESS! If this thing has to be plugged in with a wire, I want a full refund!”

Me: “If the product isn’t what you expected, I suggest you return the device to your local retailer.”

Irate Caller: “NO! That’s not good enough! They won’t take it back because it’s been opened! I want you to give me a refund!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t provide refunds unless a product’s functionality is grossly mis-advertised. You need to speak to–”

Irate Caller: “NO! You’ll give me a refund right now, you f****** son of a b****, and you’ll do it right f****** now!”

Me: “Ma’am, throwing a temper tantrum like a five-year-old is not going to get you something that we’re incapable of giving you.”

Irate Caller: “You can’t speak to me like that! Transfer me to your manager at once!”

Me: “No.”

Irate Caller: “What?”

(Contrary to popular belief, most companies don’t REQUIRE techs to transfer to supervisors simply because they’re told to by a customer).

Me: “I said no. I will not transfer you to my supervisor. This is a non-escalatable issue.”

Irate Caller: “But you have to!”

Me: “No, I really don’t, and since you already blasted me with profanity, technically, I could have disconnected the call already.”

Irate Caller: “Well, I’m sorry… Can I have my refund now?”

Me: “I told you, I can’t give you a refund for this product. You need to contact your retailer.”

Irate Caller: “F*** you! You f****** r****ds are ripping me the f*** off! F*** you!”

Me: “Thank you for contacting tech support and have a nice day!”

Irate Caller: “Wait! I’m sorry!”

Me: *click*


This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

Read the next Swearing Customers roundup story!

Read the Swearing Customers roundup!

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Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

, , , | Right | July 11, 2008

Customer: “What time is tax assistance here?”

Me: “They are here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 12 to 2 o’clock.”

Customer: “Okay, so they’re here Tuesday through Thursday, from 12 to 2 o’clock?”

Me: “No, sir, only on Tuesday and Thursday.”

Customer: “Okay, Tuesday and Thursday, all day long?”

Me: “No, sir, only from noon until 2.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that they are here from noon to 2?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And that’s on Mondays and Tuesdays?”

Me: “No, sir… ”

(Before I can say anything further, the person behind him explodes…)

Another Customer: “It’s here on Tuesday and Thursday from 12 to 2! I don’t even know what the @#$% you are asking about, but I’ve figured out what time it happens! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Customer: *slinks away*

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Singleminded Surcharge

, , | Right | July 11, 2008

(I work in an electrical department. At this time, a woman is looking at a light display.)

Me: “Are you finding everything alright?”

Customer: “Yes. Where is this?”

(I lead her to the box, on an end cap. It’s a two-fixtures-for-the-price-of-one thing.)

Customer: “Oh, there’s two in there…”

Me: “Yes. But the price is the same as on the display, so you get an extra for spare parts or whatever.”

Customer: “Well, I only want one!”

Me: “You can always just sell the spare on a garage sale or something. Or if you’re like me, you might break the glass someday and so you’ll have a spare.”

Customer: “I only want one!”

Me: “…”

(The customer proceeded to pick out a nearly-identical looking fixture that was about three times the price–all because she only wanted one.)

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