(I am working at a call center that handles cell phone services. One of our plans offers to let you add extra data for a certain amount of money.)
Me: *confirming* “So, you wanted to pay five dollars for 500 megabytes, right?”
Customer: “Right. And how many megabytes is that?”
(This conversation takes place over the messaging system on my website.)
Customer: “Hi. Are you available to come out to [Place approx 50 minutes from where I am located] to take some photos of my car club’s meet up?”
Me: “Hi, there. What date are you having the meet up?”
Customer: “The 18th of this month. How much will it cost?”
Me: “Yes, I am free then. Cost will depend on how many hours you require me to be there, All your photos are included in the price and will be edited and placed on either USB or disk for you.”
Customer: “Um, I don’t know. A couple of hours or so.”
Me: “Okay, well, the best deal I can give you is $[total] for the first hour and $[other amount] for every half hour after that. The travel costs are included in the first hour.”
Customer: “Oh, I can’t afford that; I’m a bit broke at the moment.”
Me: That’s fine. Unfortunately, I cannot lower the price anymore. However, if you do change your mind let me know and I would be happy to schedule you in.
Customer: “Bummer, Do you have a camera I could just borrow for the day? I won’t wreck it or anything.”
Me: “I am sorry, but I cannot lend my equipment out.”
Customer: “I will be real careful; I could even give you a $20 bond.”
Me: “No, sorry. I am unable to do that, maybe you could ask a friend to borrow their camera.”
Customer: “Nah, they are broke, too.”
Me: “Okay, then. If you change your mind about scheduling in with me let me know. Have a nice day.” *bangs head on desk*
(An old man approaches me. I can’t remember the first thing he said to me because it made absolutely no sense.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”
(He puts out his fist to me. I’m unsure what to do for an awkward two seconds, then I put out my fist. He proceeds to fist bump me.)
Old Man: “YOLO.”
(He walks away as I stand there in shock.)
(The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)
Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”
(He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)
Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”
Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”
Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”
Me: “I think it probably was…”
Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 8
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
(I work part-time in the kitchen of a small bistro, where we sell homemade sandwiches amongst other things. We have lots of vegan options since it’s become very popular in our college town, and my boss makes sure all kitchen staff knows exactly what’s in the vegan foods if customers ask. This happens as I spend my day off sitting in the bistro next to the counter doing homework.)
Customer: “You rang up my veggie sandwich as 4€! It says 3.80€ on the tag.”
Server: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted the vegan sandwich, not the veggie sandwich. The vegan is 4€. I can change it if you want.”
Customer: “No, I want vegan! Why is vegan more expensive? It has the same vegetables on it!”
Server: *being a new worker, she doesn’t know the entire selection yet* “[My Name]? Do you know why the vegan is more expensive?”
Me: *to the customer* “The vegetarian sandwich has a cream cheese spread from [Local Producer]. The vegan spread is actually made by our kitchen, with tofu instead of cream cheese, and different ingredients than the veggie one.”
Customer: “Hmpf! Well, you should make all your spreads yourself if you want to make sure they’re vegetarian!”
Me: “Ma’am, [Local Producer] ONLY makes vegetarian food. They’re well known for it. Also, if we made all the spreads ourselves, all of the sandwiches would be more expensive.”
Customer: “Whatever. I’ll take the vegan one. Wait! Is it lactose-free?! I’m lactose-intolerant.”
Me: “Vegan always means lactose-free. There’s absolutely no dairy in vegan food.”
Customer: “How would you know?!”
Me: “I work in the kitchen. I made the spread on the sandwich you’re buying. I know exactly what I put into it, and there was no dairy involved.”
Customer: “Well, you’re not at work now! How am I supposed to trust that?!”
