(I am the customer. I’ve had bariatric surgery so I’m very limited on what and how much I can eat. My husband likes a certain dish at this restaurant, so we go and I as usual order a glass of water. I usually eat a third of his salad and maybe a bite of his seafood. I feel really guilty about not ordering a meal, so to make ME feel better, I always double tip the server. I get the bill, see the little calculation for tip on the bottom, and doubled the 20%… in cash. The server looked at me like she was going to cry.)

Server: “Oh, you don’t have to do that!”

Me: “It makes ME feel good; because I’ve had bariatric surgery and why should you still do all that work to serve us even though I don’t eat?”

(She was overcome; I guess that’s the nicest anyone had been to her that day.)

(I work in a buyout store, where the company buys things for cheap, and sells them cheap. Because of this, we get people who are pretty stingy with their money trying to spend as little as possible. A customer comes up to my register with a pretty full cart.)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yes, I did.”

(The customer then begins quietly saying something about a man coming to visit his seven-year-old daughter. I was thinking maybe it was her son she is talking about, so I just continue ringing up her items.)

Customer: “I’m only getting one thing for myself; the rest is for someone else.”

(The thing she was talking about for herself is a small box of the K-cups for a Keurig, which is only 2.99. The rest of the stuff are pots, pans, some books for a little girl, etc.)

Me: “Okay, your total today comes to $144.54.”

Customer: *as she hands me the money* “I’m not sure where to send this to, or who to give it to.”

Me: “Wait a second, you don’t know this guy?”

Customer: “No, some guy I saw online is coming home to see his seven-year-old daughter, and he doesn’t have anything, so I’m getting him something to start off, and I am not sure who, or where to give all this stuff to.”

Me: *shocked, but my heart was also swelling with happiness* “Wow, there’s not many people who are willing to spend that much on someone they don’t even know. Bless your heart, and I hope you have a wonderful day, and good luck finding the guy!”

(Our customer rewards card guarantees guests a cheaper ticket price on select days, in addition to $10 in rewards points for every $100 they spend. As a result, despite the rewards card costing an up-front fee per year, larger groups of people would actually be saving money if they buy the card on those select days. We’re also doing a limited promotion where people who sign up for the card get a free $10 in rewards on their card. A man is buying tickets from me at the box office the morning of one of those select cheap-ticket days.)

Customer: “It’s my kid’s birthday and I was hoping to take everyone who’s coming to his party to [Movie] at 4 pm. He’s desperate to see it. Do you have 18 tickets available?”

Me: *checking computer* “Yup, it looks like that showtime is totally open.”

Customer: *beaming* “Great! That’ll be 14 kids tickets and 4 adult tickets, please.”

Me: *clicking the tickets in* “That would come out to about $150. However, because today is the day where our rewards-card guests get the cheaper ticket price, your total would only come out to $90 if you have our rewards card. Do you happen to have a rewards card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh, then I’d highly recommend getting one. If you signed up for one, even with the up-front fee, you’d still only be paying about $100, so you’d be saving $50. In addition, for every $100 you spend, you get $10 credit back on your card that you can use like a gift-card. We’re also doing a promotion where if you sign up for a card this month, you get a free $10 credit. So if you sign up for one now, you’re not only saving $50, but you’re essentially getting the equivalent of a free $20 gift card in rewards points you’d be earning. Can I sign you up for one?”

Customer: *instantly annoyed* “Ugh. No. I don’t like being ripped off!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not trying to rip you off.”

Customer: “Yes! Yes, you are!”

Me: “I’m giving you an offer that would save you $50 up front and give you a guaranteed $20 credit.”

Customer: “Yeah…?”

Me: “And if you didn’t get the card, you’d be paying $50 more and wouldn’t get the $20 credit.”

Customer: “Uh, yeah. But I don’t like being ripped off. And your rewards card is a rip-off. It costs money upfront?”

Me: “Yes, sir. But it’s a one-time fee per year, so you’d have the card for the next year. And it won’t automatically be renewed after the year is up, so you won’t be surprised by renewal charge a year from now. We only renew it if you want us to.”

Customer: *holier-than-thou tone* “So you want me to pay upfront for a rewards card?”

Me: “Only if you’d like to sign up for one. And as I said, I’d highly recommend it. With the volume of tickets you’re buying, you’re saving a lot and getting $20 in rewards.”

Customer: *beaming* “Hence, you’re ripping me off. I won’t pay an upfront fee for a rewards card!”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “Okay, then that’ll be $150.”

Customer: *completely pleased with himself* “Thank you! You aren’t ripping me off with some bogus rewards program!”

(The real kicker? I later heard he came back after I had left, claimed I told him he would be getting “a free $20 gift card,” and had to be given a verbal warning about being kicked out after he pitched a fit when my manager — who I had told this story to when she arrived, before I left — refused this claim.)

(I work as a bagger. It is about 8 pm and I am at the register waiting for the next order. A customer comes up with at least 15 $100 dollar prepaid gift cards.)

Cashier: “How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I am doing well, thanks for asking.”

(The cashier begins ringing up her order and the customer reaches into her wallet to pull out the money she is going to pay with. Turns out, however, this is counterfeit money, all of them 100 dollar bills.)

Cashier: “Okay, your total comes out to [price].”

(The customer hands her the fake bills and, without a second thought, the cashier notices and pulls out the pen she is given to mark fake bills to see if they are fake; they, of course, come up fake, so she then calls the manager over.)

Manager: “Is something wrong?”

Cashier: “Yes, this money isn’t getting accepted by the register.”

(Our registers don’t actually have a feature to detect funny money.)

Manager: “Okay, well, let me take it upstairs and see if I can’t get my machine to take it.”

(This whole time the customer has still not realized that we know the money is fake and continues to stand there playing on a cell phone. She is still standing there when a police officer and the manager approach her.)

Manager: “Ma’am, if you don’t mind, we would like you to come upstairs to the office, please.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, sure. I don’t mind.”

(They then walk upstairs and then it finally hits her when the police officer cuffs her. Then began the screaming.)

Customer: “THIS IS A FALSE ARREST! MY MONEY IS GOOD! YOU’RE GONNA HEAR FROM MY LAWYER! THIS IS BECAUSE I AM BLACK. ISN’T IT?! ALL YOU COPS ARE MOTHER F****** RACIST!”

(The cops took the woman to the squad car and drove off. I was just amazed the whole time she didn’t suspect a thing until the cops actually handcuffed her. You would think the moment the manager stepped up she would have hauled butt out of the store.)

(I work in a mortuary (or ‘morgue’ as they’re called in the US). One of the deceased gentlemen in our care is being visited by his daughter in our chapel of rest. She rings the bell to summon me.)

Woman: “I need to give you something to keep with him”

(This is a fairly normal request. People often like to leave things like photographs and cards with their loved-ones.)

Me: “Of course; I’ll make sure it stays with him.”

Woman: *handing me a sandwich in a bag and a bottle of water* “This is for when he wakes up; I expect he’ll be hungry and thirsty.”

Me: *trying to keep my facial expression neutral* “Uh, for, when… when he wakes up?”

Woman: “Yes, my church group has been praying for him and the church leader says he should wake up any time now. He’s seen it happen lots of times before, firsthand.”

Me: “Uh. Well, okay… I will certainly make sure these stay with him.”

Woman: “And you’ll call me as soon as he wakes up?”

Me: “I promise that if he wakes up, I’ll call you and let you know straight away.”

Woman: *completely seriously and straight-faced* “Thank you. I hope he doesn’t take too long about it.”

(The following day she called in the morning to check whether he was awake. A coworker and I checked, half-afraid of what we might find, but alas he was still deceased and the sandwich and water were untouched. Later that day the woman arrived with her entire church group and introduced me to the leader who explained to me once again, completely straight-faced, that he had successfully managed to resurrect several people before now so was confident he’d be able to in this instance. They stayed a while, praying and singing, then eventually left.  The deceased never woke up, and he and his sandwich eventually left for the funeral home.)