Rounded up for your reading pleasure: 25 stories of criminally-incompetent customers, picked from our archives.

(more…)

(I am working the self-serve. Note that we have six self-serve stations that are in rows of three each. One side is cash or card, and the other is card only. There are clear signs stating “card only” on the card-only machines, as well as a voice pop-up that states, “No cash available at this register. Card only.” A customer using one of the card-only self-serve stations calls me over.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help?”

Customer: “I put $50 in but the change hasn’t came out. Why?!”

Me: “Whoa, you put cash in this? It’s card only. Didn’t you see the pop-up notice?”

Customer: “Of course I did. But I wanted to pay cash. So I ignored it… Where’s my change?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s card only, meaning no cash… Where did you put the cash? Why didn’t you use the cash-and-card self-serve station?”

Customer: “There!… and this machine was closer.” *points to the receipt chute*

(The customer had inserted the cash into a gap where the receipt comes out. A sign stating “receipt” is next to that gap. She was quite angry as I opened the machine to get the cash out… muttering how stupid it was that the card-only machine had no cash.)

Related
Should Have Cashed Out Early

(I work at a small, family-owned specialty Halloween store. We help customers with special effects makeup, costumes, and various other items.)

Customer: “How do I use liquid latex and the bruise wheel?”

(I spend 45 minutes explaining exactly how to do the look he is going for while his kids run around the store. When I finish the sample, he takes a picture of it on his phone.)

Customer: “Great! I’m going to go to [Chain Competitor] now! Your prices are way too high!”

This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

Read the next Halloween roundup story!

Read the Halloween roundup!

(A woman flags me down for some help finding cat food.)

Customer: “I want something that’s made in the U.S. Nothing from China. And it has to be high protein, high fat. No chicken. He won’t eat that s***.”

Me: “That’s great, because plenty of our cat food are made in the U.S.!” *gestures to one brand* “This one sounds perfect, and it has non-chicken proteins like salmon.”

Customer: “He told me he doesn’t like seafood.”

Me: *thinking how her cat told her this* “Well, it also comes in quail, turkey, venison, and lamb as well. Lots of different meats that don’t go anywhere near the ocean!”

Customer: “What state specifically is it made in?”

Me: “I’m not sure…” *inspecting packaging*

Customer: “Because I don’t buy from redneck states.”

Me: “This one’s made in California.”

Customer: *pause* “Well, I guess made by Mexicans is better than from a redneck state!” *slides an armful of cans into her cart and walks away*

(While waiting for my order at the window of a local coffee place, I overhear this conversation:)

Employee: “One large chocolate chip chocolate Frappuccino with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate sauce.”

Woman: “That’s me.”

(I eye her drink with slight judgment.)

Woman: “It’s not for me; it’s for my grown-*ss man child who would rather play Halo all day than get food.”

(The entire store heard this and was laughing for ten minutes. The manager gave her a $10 gift certificate for the comment.)