(My mom and I enter a meat market to buy more chicken, as my sister is having friends over for dinner and we don’t have enough at home. Only one register is open as we enter the checkout line, and there is one lady in front of us. The machine is not working with her card, and the system is failing repeatedly, even after the cashier switches registers. Meanwhile, a line has formed behind us.)

Cashier: “I don’t know what is happening. Let me try once more. I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”

Lady In Front Of Us: “It’s fine. We are all learning how to be patient today!”

Man Behind Us: *in joking tone, while smiling* “Hurry up!”

(Everyone in line starts laughing.)

Mom: “Oh, no, a fight can’t start. I’m in between you two!”

Man: “Nah, life is too fast as it is. It’s nice to slow down once in a while.”

Cashier: “Let me run and get my boss.”

(Of course, as soon as the boss shows up, the machine accepts the card and works smoothly. The boss walks away to the back of the shop again.)

Lady: “Of course it works when he shows up!”

Cashier: “Yup, just my luck.”

(The lady leaves and we are up next. My mom hands the cashier her credit card.)

Mom: “You can just run it as credit.”

Cashier: “Um… ma’am, the system isn’t working again.”

(At this point, all we can do is laugh.)

Mom: “I’ll pay in cash, then. It only works when the boss is around! He must be back there messing with us, pulling the cord to it or something!”

(It’s nice to know there are still patient customers out there willing to laugh it off when things go wrong.)

(It’s a slow day at the retail store where I work and I have no one in line at my cash register. One of my managers walks over to my till.)

Manager: “Turn your light off. I need to talk to you for a moment.”

(I turn my light off, a little nervous.)

Me: “Am I in trouble or something?”

Manager: “Okay, well, no, not really, but I kinda have to talk to you anyway because it’s policy.”

Me: “Okay?”

Manager: “We had a customer complain to us about your shirt.”

(The shirt I’m wearing is within our uniform regulations. It’s a v-neck that doesn’t show any cleavage, although it is flattering to my figure.)

Me: “Why?”

Manager: “Well, he said that your shirt was too low-cut and it was inappropriate and that, when you leaned over, he could see your tattoo down your shirt…”

(I stare at my manager for several long seconds, dumbfounded.)

Me: “[Manager], I don’t have tattoos ANYWHERE.”

Manager: *laughs* “Y’see, I didn’t think you would!”

(Satisfied that she has followed through on our policy, my manager leaves it at that. Almost a year later, I’m wearing the same shirt and am about to open one of the registers. Our registers are set up in lines where the cashier is facing their customers on the opposite side of the belt, but behind them is where the line for the next register is. I start to reorganize the register because it’s messy when a man in the line behind me mumbles something.)

Customer: “…your shirt.”

(Thinking it was something nice, I politely smile to the customer.)

Customer: “You look like a whore!”

(My face falls flat when all of a sudden it hits me — this is the same man who complained about my shirt before. Without opening my till, I walk to a manager and explain what happened. After my manager goes to confront the customer and finds he’s already left, my manager comes back to me.)

Manager: “Sorry about that. That guy’s been saying stuff about the female cashiers for several months now, regardless of what they’re wearing. We try to kick him out when we find him.”

(A few friends and I are in the car driving home from the city. We pull into [Fast Food Restaurant]. I pull up far enough for my friend in the back seat to order.)

Friend: “I’ll like a number five with no pickles and a [Soda #1], a number seven with a [Soda #2], two large fries, and a diet water.”

Person Taking Order:  “What was that last part?”

Friend: “Two large fries and a diet water.”

Person Taking Order:  “One moment, please.”

(The person taking the order forgets to mute his headset. We hear him asking another coworker if they carry diet water. His coworker starts laughing hysterically.)

Person Taking Order:  “Please pull up to the window”

(I pulled up to the window to see that the person that took the order was bright red and highly embarrassed for not realizing what he asked his coworker for. His coworker was still laughing hysterically and struggling to stand back up in the background. I tried my best not to laugh even though everyone in the car was in tears from laughing so much.)

(The idiot in this case is myself.)

Vet Clinic: “Is this an emergency or can you hold?”

Me: *flustered because I was expecting the standard ‘Can I help you’ greeting, and realizing I was in trouble halfway through* “Sure, you can hold… me.”

(I am the customer in this story. My purchases have been loaded on the conveyor belt, and I get up to the cashier and hand her my card.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything…?”

(I open my eyes real wide, assume a scared expression, and slump a little.)

Me: “YES! And it was overwhelming!”