(I work at a retail store associated with a shipping company. A customer calls to get a shipping estimate on a small table. At this point, he has already given me the value of the table for insurance purposes, as well as the dimensions of it.)

Me: “And do you have an approximate weight of the table?”

Customer: “Not so heavy! I can lift it with one hand, easy.”

Me: “Okay, great! So it’s pretty light, then?”

Customer: “But not so, so light… Imagine that you are on a date with a cute boy. And your bag is full of all of your makeup. And you have a sweater. And your wallet is full of hundred dollar bills. That is the weight.”

(He brought the table in the next day. It was 16 pounds.)

(I work at a well-known coffee chain and we are moving from our current store down the road to a larger building. We have been advertising the move for months and told all our customers that we will be closing for one day to move all of our machines, etc. The front door is locked and has multiple signs on it staying that we are closed. In order for us to move machines out easily the side entrance is held open by a garbage can. All the machines and merchandise left in the store are scattered all over the dining area and counters.)

Customer: *approaches front door and pulls on it vigorously multiple times before realizing it is locked and walking around to the side entrance* “Can I have a medium iced coffee with extra cream?”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, we are closed today. We are in the middle of moving.” *waves arms around pointing to all the machines and merchandise*

Customer: “So I can’t have my coffee?”

Manager: “No, sir, we are closed and we do not have any coffee made or any machines to brew it.”

Customer: “Well, why doesn’t it say that you are closed anywhere?”

Manager: “With all due respect, sir, there are signs all over the front door and the machines and merchandise are scattered throughout the store.”

Customer: “Oh! I thought that meant only the front door was closed. Have a nice day!”

(We all stood there baffled and still laugh about it to this day! Unfortunately he wasn’t the only customer to come in asking for coffee!)

(The restaurant I work in is very small, and we do not have a lot of technology people seem to expect – such as a computer to remember what they ordered last time. Our debit/credit machine is dial-up, and does not have a tap option. There is no ‘tap’ icon or logo, and the first screen asks customers to “insert chip or swipe,” yet the following transaction happens far too often.)

Me: *handing terminal to customer* “Chip goes down at the bottom there.”

Customer: *taps card directly onto the “please insert chip” screen, approximately where a “tap” icon is NOT, several times* “Your tap’s not working.”

Me: “No, sir, our tap does not exist.”

(I work at a popular chain bookstore at Christmas time. I am calling one of the sister stores to see if they have a book a customer is looking for. The phone is ringing for a long time when…)

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: *taken a little aback by them not answering with “[Store] at [Location]. [Name] speaking. How may I help you?”* “Umm… Is this [Store] in [Location]?”

Caller: “Yeah, but I don’t work here. I was just shopping and the phone wouldn’t stop ringing and it was annoying me.”

Me: “Oh! Um… could you… pass the phone to an employee?”

Caller: “Yeah, I guess so.”

(I stayed on the line for three more minutes. He never gave it to an employee.)

This story is part of our “I Don’t Work Here” roundup!

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(A customer has just ordered an iced coffee and sat down. Once the barista finishes making the drink, I bring it over to the customer.)

Me: “Here’s your iced coffee, sir.”

Customer: “What? Oh no. No, no, this isn’t what I wanted. No, this won’t do at all!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, is this not what you ordered?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered an iced coffee.”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “There’s ice cubes in it.”

Me: “Yes, sir…?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t realise there would be ice in it.”