Natural Selection In Action, Part 3

, , , | Right | September 11, 2008

(I work at a historic fort and am dressed as soldier from the 1800s. I help tourists find their way around.)

Tourist: “Oooh, is that a real gun?”

Me: “Yes, it is; it was made in 1865.”

Tourist: “Oooh, does it still work?”

Me: “Yes, it does!”

Tourist: “Can I get a picture of you pointing it at me?”

 

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Introducing The DK Spring Collection

, , | Right | September 10, 2008

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for the Green Knight, please.”

Me: “You mean the Dark Knight, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, I mean the Green Knight! The Batman movie!”

Me: “Ma’am, the only Batman movie currently showing is the Dark Knight.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of that! I don’t want to see it! Give me two for the Green Knight!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no such movie.”

Customer: “Fine. We’ll go see this Dark Knight thing, then. But I just want you to know I am not pleased!”

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Bureaucracy’s Hidden Benefits

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Client: “I’d like to know why I haven’t received my benefits.”

Me: “Let’s just pull up your case. Can I have your case number?”

(The client gives me their case number and I pull up the case.)

Me: “Well, it looks like you didn’t return your application. Without an application, we can’t approve welfare benefits.”

Client: “Can’t we do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, you need to come in and do an in-person interview so we can get an ID and a signature.”

Client: “So, we can’t do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, we need a face-to-face interview.”

Client: “That’s just too much work. I’ll just go get a job!” *click*

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You Know What They Say About Idle Hands…

, , | Right | September 10, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a one of those large Philly cheesesteak pizzas you’re advertising on TV.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not us. That’s [Competitor].”

Customer: “What do you mean that’s not you? I just saw the commercial.”

Me: “I don’t know what commercial you saw, but we don’t have that pizza. Only [Competitor] does.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager, because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. I want your boss’s number. I’m gonna tell him about this and then we’ll see.”

Me: “You’re welcome to call him, but he’ll tell you the same thing I did: that’s not our pizza.”

Customer: “Then I’ll call his boss and their boss and keep going till I finally get someone who agrees with me!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Must be nice to have that much time on your hands!”

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Speak For Yourselves, Part 2

, , , | Right | September 9, 2008

Elderly Lady #1: “Now, what are the prices like for this show?”

Coworker: “Well, they’re-”

Elderly Lady #2: “Don’t tell us it’s expensive! I don’t want to spend too much money!”

Coworker: *holds out price sheet* “Here are the–”

Elderly Lady #1: “Oh, would you look at that. Look at those prices. Now where are these seats?”

Coworker: “Those are right-”

Elderly Lady #2: “No, we don’t want to sit there. It’s too far in the back.”

Coworker: “Actually, ma’am, they’re–”

Elderly Lady #1: “Those seats are okay… they’re in the middle.”

Elderly Lady #2: “Do they have anything closer on an aisle?”

Coworker: “Unfortunately– ”

Elderly Lady #1: “What do you need to be closer for? Those seats are fine. George and Harry will like them.”

Elderly Lady #2: “Yes, but I’d rather be able to sit as far from Martha as possible.”

Elderly Lady #1: “Ah, yes… we don’t like Martha. She talks so much you can never get a word in!”

 

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