It’s Just Like Disneyland, But With Funny Accents

, , , | Right | September 8, 2008

(I work at a fairly new nice French restaurant. Chef comes to the dining area to interact with the customers; he has an obvious French accent.)

Chef: “Hi, ladies, how was everything?”

Customer: “The food was delicious. Where did you learn to cook?”

Chef: “Well, I was born in France and went to school there.”

Customer: “Really? Do you speak French? I mean, I know everyone in Europe speaks English, but do you know French?”

Chef: *walks away disgusted*

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It’s Pr0ning LOLcats And Blogs

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2008

(I am teaching a guy in his sixties or so how to use the Internet.)

Customer: “So… I can search for… anything?

Me: “Anything.”

Customer: “And this will just find it for me?”

Me: “Yup.”

(We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.)

Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?”

Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.”

Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?”

Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari,’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.”

(The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.)

Customer: “You just saved my marriage.”

(Enjoy your p*rn, Gary.)

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On The Need For Male Role Models

, , | Right | September 7, 2008

(While standing in line for the bathroom at a resort, I overhear two young boys talking.)

Boy #1: “Why are the lines for the girl’s bathroom always longer? Is it because the boy’s bathroom has that special sink?”

Boy #2: “You mean the urinal?”

Boy #1: “Yeah. ‘Cause you can fit like five guys around it.”

Boy #2: “Or, if they’re skinny, you can fit seven or eight.”

Boy #1: “And if they’re FAT you can only fit two.”

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Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win, Part 2

, | Right | September 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, this is Alyssa. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, someone from your company called me and they were being all friendly to me over the phone.”

Me: “Oh? Were they rude to you in anyway?”

Caller: “No… it’s just… they were being all nice… and I don’t like it when people pretend to be my friend, like they know me!”

Me: “All right, but I don’t understand what the problem is with that.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “You know what, I’ll just go ahead and take you off our calling list, okay? You have a great day.”

 

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Personally, I Prefer Stars And Polkadots

, , | Right | September 7, 2008

American Customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry. Only red.”

American Customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall. You should make them in other colours.”

Me: “…”

Canadian Customer Behind Her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the Stars-and-Stripes would look great in earth tones.”

American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white, and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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