If L’apostrophe, Then French

| Right | September 11, 2008

(A very angry customer brings a small bag of instant coffee to the counter.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU STOCK THIS?!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry… can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “This is Australia! How dare you support some French s*** in our country?!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “THIS!” *holds the bag out* “See! Right here: ‘Proudly Supporting Jun’ar Ne’ball In Australia.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it actually says, “Proudly supporting Junior Netball in Australia.”

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Not Quite An Open And Shut Case

, , | Right | September 11, 2008

Caller: “Hi, I bought a DVD here earlier today, but I can’t get it out of the case. ”

Me: “All right, is it a new or pre-owned DVD?”

(Our pre-owned DVDs are all locked with a piece of red plastic that has to be removed before they leave the store.)

Caller: “I don’t know. It was, like, $7.”

Me: “Well, we have both pre-owned and new movies at that price. Is the case wrapped in plastic?”

Caller: “Well, there’s plastic on it.”

Me: “All right, you’ll need to take the plastic off of the case.”

Caller: “That won’t break it?”

Me: “If the case is wrapped in transparent plastic, you are going to need to remove all of that plastic first.”

Caller: “How? I don’t want to break it.”

Me: “Okay. You’ll need to remove the plastic wrap. If you have problems, get a pair of scissors or a knife and use that to cut open the plastic, and then take it off the case.”

Caller: “Okay, but it still won’t open.”

Me: “Are there any stickers covering the sides of the case?”

Caller: “Yes. There’s one on the top. ”

Me: “You’ll need to pull that off.”

Caller: “The case still won’t open, though. I don’t want to break it.”

Me: “Are there any other stickers on the case?”

Caller: “No. Well, there’s one of the left side that looks like the one on the top.”

Me: “Right. You’ll have to remove that. And any other stickers that look like it.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. But it’s still not opening.”

Me: “Any other stickers or plastic wrap?”

Caller: “No!”

Me: “Okay… tell me, what does the case look like?”

Caller: “Well, there’s the side of the case that says the name of the movie and then there’s a black side that looks like the top and bottom.”

Me: “And what side are you trying to open? The black side?”

Caller: “No! The side with the title! Why isn’t it opening?”

Me: “Okay. I want you to put the case down on a table or something. Okay? Now. Put the case face up, like a book, with the front of the case facing you. Okay? Now. Go to the RIGHT side of the case, with the two black pieces of plastic–”

Caller: “Not the left side?”

Me: “No. NOT the left side. The RIGHT side.”

Caller: “So not the side with the title?”

Me: “No. The RIGHT side. Now. Pull the RIGHT side open.”

Caller: “It isn’t working!”

Me: “Are you opening the RIGHT side?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Try the RIGHT side.”

Caller: “Oh… Thanks. They shouldn’t make these so hard to open, you know!” *click*

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Welcome To Retail, Part 2

, , | Right | September 11, 2008

(It’s my first day on the job. I just finished scanning all of a customer’s groceries and given her the total when she holds up a roll of paper towels. She hadn’t put them on the conveyor belt.)

Customer: “Why didn’t you ring this up?”

Me: “Oh. You didn’t put it down on the conveyor belt. I’ll add it to your–”

Customer: “Why is it my fault? You should have rung it up the first time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you didn’t–”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager. ”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Yeah, she didn’t ring this up.” *holds up paper towels*

Manager: “Ma’am, did you put it on the conveyor belt?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Then how could she ring it up?”

Customer: “By sliding it across the beepy thingy, duh!”

Manager: “How could she if you hadn’t put it down?”

Customer: “…I don’t know. She just should have!”

Manager: “Well, then why don’t I take that and we’ll ring that up for you right away.”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Why not, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay for them.”

Manager: “Okay, ma’am. I can return them to the aisle for you.”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I still want them, I just don’t wanna pay. Why do you think I didn’t put them down on the move-belt thing? You gotta give them to me for free now, because I had to call you over.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “I’m taking them.”

Manager: “That’s theft, ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine!” *slams paper towels on conveyor belt*

(She eventually paid, but not before flipping us the bird. How nice for my first day.)

 

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Natural Selection In Action, Part 3

, , , | Right | September 11, 2008

(I work at a historic fort and am dressed as soldier from the 1800s. I help tourists find their way around.)

Tourist: “Oooh, is that a real gun?”

Me: “Yes, it is; it was made in 1865.”

Tourist: “Oooh, does it still work?”

Me: “Yes, it does!”

Tourist: “Can I get a picture of you pointing it at me?”

 

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Introducing The DK Spring Collection

, , | Right | September 10, 2008

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for the Green Knight, please.”

Me: “You mean the Dark Knight, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, I mean the Green Knight! The Batman movie!”

Me: “Ma’am, the only Batman movie currently showing is the Dark Knight.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of that! I don’t want to see it! Give me two for the Green Knight!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no such movie.”

Customer: “Fine. We’ll go see this Dark Knight thing, then. But I just want you to know I am not pleased!”

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