1-800-DUHHHHH

, | Right | September 14, 2008

Me: “Operator.”

Customer: “I need to call long distance to New York.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you need to hang up and dial ’00’ for the long distance operator.”

Customer: “I don’t have a ’00’ button on my phone. I only have a ‘0’!”

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How Spider-woman Goes Shopping

, , | Right | September 13, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, where is the exit to the street?”

Me: “Take the escalator down to the first floor and go out any of the doors.”

Customer: “Down? I have to go down? But I came in on this floor.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the 3rd floor.”

Customer: “But I came in on this floor.”

Me: “That’s impossible; this is the 3rd floor.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I swear I came in on this floor. And you know, the customer is always right. ”

Me: “Unless you scaled the building to get in, I am right on this one.”

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Amen

, | Right | September 13, 2008

(A customer runs in two minutes to closing time.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’re closing soon.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you’re closing? But I haven’t had time to get what I want!”

Me: “We’re open again tomorrow, 9 til 9.”

Customer: “You should stay open until 10. People need to do their shopping, you know.”

Me: “Sir, people like you are the reason that people like me don’t have lives.”

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Kitteh Sez STFU

, , , | Right | September 13, 2008

(I’m tending to the cats at our pet store when a young woman comes up and points at a small tabby, Velma.)

Me: “Ah, would you like to see Velma? She’s a little shy but very sweet.”

Customer: “I can has cat?”

Me: “Um… if you are interested in adopting, I’ll be happy to get out Velma or any of the cats so that you can get to know them a little better.”

Customer: “I can has lolcat?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “She is in her playpen, stealin our funs!”

Me: “You know, pets can be a big responsibility, and I’m not sure a cat would be the best thing for you right now.”

Customer: “K thanks bye!” *turns and walks out of the store*

Me: *to Velma* “I think I may have just saved your life.”

 

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Personally, I Go There To Do My Taxes

, , | Right | September 11, 2008

(A group of annoying teenagers had been removed from one of the screens in the cinema for being loud and causing a huge disturbance.)

Teenager: “I want a refund. I want to talk to a manager. This is unfair!”

Usher: “Well, you can talk to a manager, but they’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told you.” *calls a manager over*

Manager: “What’s the problem here?”

Teenager: “We’ve been kicked out of the cinema because apparently someone said we were being noisy and disturbing the film.”

Manager: “Yes?”

Teenager: “Yeah, well, we think it’s unfair and we want a refund.”

Manager: “And why should we give you a refund?”

Teenager: “Well, you know how it is… You come to the cinema to have a laugh and a chat with your mates–”

Manager: “No, you don’t. You come to the cinema to watch a film. Get out.”

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