(I work at a large supermarket chain which releases a new free magazine for customers each month which includes recipes as well as information about new products we sell and promotions we are running. The magazines are very popular and, as each store only gets a certain amount, and there is no limit to how many a customer can take, it’s not uncommon for us to run out before the month is over. This takes place the day the new magazine has come out.)

Customer #1: “I love these magazines! Would it be all right if I took three?”

Me: “You can have as many as you would like!”

Customer #1: “Awesome!” *jokingly* “I like to sell them on the black market!”

Me: *jokingly* “The trick is to wait until we run out, then you’ll make a killing!

(After Customer #1 has left, Customer #2 puts at least ten of the magazines in his bag.)

Customer #2: “I can’t believe idiots pay money for these! I can’t wait to make millions!”

Me: *laughs as I think he’s joking*

Customer #2: “I bet I can get at least $50 per magazine!”

(Out of morbid curiosity I later checked online. It turned out he tried to sell a free magazine online and got no bids. Clearly he thought free magazines would be a hot selling item at $50 plus $10 shipping each.)

(I run a mobile dog grooming business so I go to people’s houses and groom their dogs in the back of my van. It is my last client for the week. I get to the house and knock on the door; no answer. She’s a fairly regular client so I decide to give her 5-10 minutes. I set myself up and potter around before calling her and having the following conversation:)

Client: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, [Client], it’s [My Name], the dog groomer. We have an appointment today at 2:30.”

Client: “Oh, hi, I didn’t get a reminder text; I was waiting for it to cancel our appointment.”

(My booking software automatically sends out a reminder text 24 hours in advance of the booking. Occasionally it does stuff up and not send a text.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It should have sent automatically. But you were waiting for the text to cancel the booking?”

Client: “Yes, I couldn’t remember when it was but I decided last week to let the dogs fur grow a bit longer before getting it cut.”

Me: “So you’d already decided to cancel the appointment?”

Client: “Yes, but I didn’t know when it was.”

Me: “So you were waiting until less than 24 hours before the appointment to cancel because you didn’t know when it was even though you had already decided last week to cancel it?”

Client: “Yes…”

Me: “In the future, please let me know as soon as possible if you want to cancel an appointment. It’s hard to fill a spot with less than 24-hours’ notice so I lose income from not working when I could be. If it happens again I will have to charge a cancellation fee.”

Client: “But I didn’t know when the appointment was!”

Me: “But you knew a week ago you wanted to cancel the appointment regardless of when it was?”

Client: “Yes!”

Me: “So you could’ve texted me a week ago and cancelled?”

Client: I suppose… but I didn’t know a week ago when the appointment was.”

Me: “But you knew you were going to cancel and were perfectly capable of calling or texting me and telling me that?”

Client: “Yes, but—”

Me: “Next time if you decide to cancel an appointment please let me know as soon as you decide. Anything less than 24-hours’ notice and I will charge you a cancellation fee.”

Client: “But what if I don’t know when the next appointment is?”

Me: “Write it in your calendar or stick it on the fridge.”

Client: “Oh, that’s a good idea, thanks!”

Me: “No problem. Have a nice day.”

(On the plus side I got to start my weekend three hours early!)

(I am wearing a dress and boots, and shopping for some blouses. I bend down to pick up a few off the floor to put them back on the rack, since I used to work retail and like to help out when I can. A woman approaches me.)

Woman: “Where are the women’s pants?”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know. I think on the other side of the escalator.”

Woman: “Take me to them.”

Me: “I am shopping for blouses, but if you walk in that direction, I’m sure one of the associates will help you.”

Woman: “Oh! You don’t work here, do you?”

Me: “No, I’m just another customer.”

(She then proceeds to stand there staring at me for a minute while I continue shopping. When I finally look up at her again, she has her arms crossed and looks angry.)

Woman: “WELL? Are you going to help me or not?”

(I ended up taking her over to where I saw the pants earlier, and before I leave, I look her very sternly in the eye and give her a bit of a scolding.)

Me: “I guarantee if you ever treat any other human being that way, you will get worse service than if you had acted like an adult, civilized human being. I only brought you over here myself because I don’t want to subject one of the poor associates to your sh***y attitude. Now go find your pants and leave me alone.”

Woman: “How DARE you! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

(I left her there yelling angry things at me and demanding a manager. I was able to continue my shopping without any more interruptions. I felt sorry for the cashier who had to check her out, though.)

(I have come to a department store to return some things I ordered online. I gave myself plenty of time since I know the process is probably a little complicated and this is a busy store. I approach a service desk in the women’s clothing department.)

Employee: “Hello!”

Me: “Hi there! I have a pile of online orders to return. Is this the right place to do that?”

Employee: “Oh. Um… I’m not sure how to do that. This is only my second day. Is it okay if I walk you over to another desk?”

Me: “Sure! No problem. Sorry to be complicated.”

Employee: “Sorry about that. I wish I knew how to help you.”

Me: “It’s fine, no problem. I have plenty of time.”

Employee: “Okay, the desk is right over here. Sorry again.”

Me: “It’s perfectly okay! I totally understand.”

Employee: “Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Me: “Look, it’s really fine. I promise. I am not in the least put out. You did fabulously.”

Employee: “Oh! Well… wow. Thank you for being so nice about it!”

Me: “Of course. Like any decent human being with half a brain could be upset about something like that.”

Employee: “Sorry, I’m just not used to people being nice… Everyone else I didn’t know how to help has yelled at me…”

(I do NOT miss working in retail, because of horrible, selfish people who yell at associates for things far beyond their control. I hope that employee had a better day!)

Customer: “Gah! Why am I drinking this? Why did I order Bud Light? I hate Bud Light! Will you get rid of this and get me a Busch Light instead?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I take her half full bottle of Bud Light and dump it out and get her a Busch Light.)

Customer: “GAH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?”

Me: “You asked me to get you a Busch Light.”

Customer: “No! You dumped out the Bud Light!”

Me: “You said you didn’t want it.”

Customer: “But you didn’t have to dump it out!”

Me: “What else am I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “But that’s wasting it!”

Me: “BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT IT! What else was I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “Well, YOU could’ve drank it! Why didn’t YOU drink it?”

Me: “I think you need to leave.”