(I have dyscalculia, basically dyslexia but for numbers. Among some other issues this causes, I occasionally speak numbers in the wrong order, especially if I’m working quickly. Usually the customer and I will laugh it off, but not this guy…)

Customer: “Two packs of [Cigarettes].”

Me: “You got it.” *scans cigarettes and totals purchase to $19.42* “Your total is $14.92.”

Customer: *swipes card and follows prompts, but stops when he reaches the “confirm your total” screen* “What’s this?”

Me: “Oh, that screen asks you to confirm your total before completing the purchase—” *the customer hits “no” and the register returns to asking for payment* “Oh, looks like you hit no. The sensors in the touch screen are a little—”

Customer: “You said my total was $14.92, not $19.42! You’re trying to rip me off!”

Me: “Did I? I’m sorry, I must have misspoken. The cigarettes are $9.71 each after tax, so for two of them it’d be $19.42. I can get your receipt to you, too, if you like.”

Customer: “I’m not paying more than $14.92 for these. This is false advertising!”

Me: *starting to get annoyed that what should be a minute long transaction is getting so out of hand* “Before taxes, the cigarettes are $8.99 per pack. Even IF the register was wrong, which it’s not, I just misspoke, so the total would still not be $14.92. I can sell you the cigarettes for the price they should be, sir, or I can cancel the order, but I cannot sell them to you for less than the cost plus tax.”

Customer: “This is an outrage! You said $14.92!”

(He reaches across the counter and shoves the two packs of cigarettes off it and to the floor, before storming out.)

Me: *after a moment of shock, I cancel the order and put the cigarettes back on the shelf* “Well… next in line, please!”

(I work for a popular chain of craft stores. A few weeks before Black Friday, we will hire a number of seasonal cashiers. The girl in this story is sixteen, and this is her first job, so she is somewhat nervous. As she’s ringing up a customer with an overstuffed cart, the customer is complaining away, until it turned into outright abuse.)

Customer #1: “This is taking too long. Why do you need her—” *gesturing to me* “—to come help you every five seconds? Are you stupid?”

(I was the Front End Supervisor, and the registers required my key to punch in a large number of the same item, rather than making the cashier have to ring them up one by one.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the delay, ma’am, but there are eight registers and only two supervisors.”

Customer #1: “Did I ask you? I don’t think so. This girl is an idiot. She has no business manning a register.”

(She continues on like this, until I can tell the poor cashier is almost ready to cry. Behind her are a group of young women who have been waiting patiently. Finally, one turns to another. Both speak very loudly, intending to be overheard.)

Customer #2: “I guess you win the bet.”

Customer #3: “Which one?”

Customer #2: “That we’d get stuck behind a whiny a**-hole before six in the morning.”

Customer #3: “I know, right? It’s like she’s never shopped on f****** Black Friday before.”

Customer #4: “Somebody needs a binky and a nap.”

Customer #2: “Or the stick pulled out of her a**.”

(By this point, I’m about two breaths away from cracking up entirely. Customer #1 has gone very quiet, and is completely red-faced. She pays and scurries out with her cart. I reassure the poor cashier and send her on an early break, taking over the register for her.)

Me: “Thank you for that. That was everything I wished I could say. I can’t actually throw people out unless they start swearing.”

Customer #2: “No problem. I hate people like that. Tell that poor girl we thought she was doing a great job.”

(I later did, and the relief on the girl’s face was a wonderful thing to see.)

This story is part of the Black Friday 2022 roundup!

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(A teenage girl who was seen earlier in my emergency department shift for vomiting has returned. When she was discharged earlier she was given prescriptions and told to only eat clear liquids for 24 hours. Her mother is with her.)

Patient: “I stopped vomiting while I was here but it started again when I was at home.”

Me: “Did you take the medicine you were prescribed?”

Mother: “The doctor said she should only eat clear liquids. That medicine is a pill. She can’t take it because it is not a clear liquid.”

Me: “Well, she should only eat clear liquids except for the medicine. The medicine will help control the vomiting.”

Mother: *starting to get louder and agitated* “I know what the doctor told her! I was sitting right here! You are not even the doctor! You don’t know! She can’t take that medicine because she can ONLY have clear liquids!”

(At this point then girl vomits again and I can clearly see undigested hamburger meat in the emesis bag.)

Me: “Did you eat a hamburger after you left the hospital earlier?”

Mother: “Well, she was hungry! She had to eat something!”

(I let a woman into fitting room; the customer has several pairs of jeans and some t-shirts. She comes back out a few minutes later:)

Customer: “Well, that wasn’t worth my time! I didn’t realize I’d have to get undressed to try these on!”

(I’m in the back of our store when I overhear this conversation.)

Customer: *sits down and sighs* “Oh, I’m tired.”

Manager: “Long day?”

Customer: “Well, sort of. I had a massage and a facial, and then I went shopping.”