Fatheaded

, , , | Right | April 10, 2008

Customer: “What’s the difference between low-fat and non-fat yogurt?”

Me: “Well, the low-fat has only a small amount of fat whereas the non-fat has none at all.”

Customer: “What’s fat?”

Me: “…”

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[Insert Apple Joke Here]

| Right | April 10, 2008

(Telephone technical support for a printer manufacturer.)

Customer: “First of all, I’m a Mac tech, so I know what the hell I’m doing; let’s get that straight right away!”

Me: “Ok.”

(It turned out he needed to reinstall some fonts, so we got the installer started.)

Customer: “It says, ‘Insert Disk One.’ What should I do?”

Me: “Um, insert disk one…”

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All Are Retail Slaves

| Right | April 10, 2008

(Note: I wasn’t actually an employee, I was just a regular customer walking around this store. A middle aged woman walks up to me.)

Lady: “Excuse me, do you have any golf clubs?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

Lady: “But you look like you do…”

Me: “Sorry, no…all the employees here have red vests and tags that say ***** ******* on them.”

Lady: “But can you tell me where the golf clubs are?”

Me: “No, I don’t even live in this town [which was true]. I am just looking around.”

Lady: “Well, you’re no help. I might as well look in the other store.” *walks away in a huffy mood*

Me, loudly: “MAYBE IF YOU PAID ME, I’D HELP!”

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PEBCAK, Episode III

| Right | April 9, 2008

(I received a trouble ticket for an HP 930c Printer at our Ohio warehouse.)

Me: “Hello, I hear you are having a problem with your printer.”

Customer: “Yes, I changed the cartridge and it says that it’s still out of ink.”

Me: “Ok, did you remove the blue tape before inserting the new print cartridge?”

Customer: “Yep! Sure did!”

(After literally two hours of model number and cartridge number verification and even installing new firmware on the printer among many other things…)

Me: “Ok ma’am, can you take the ink cartridge out for me?”

Customer: “Ok, it’s out.”

Me: “Is there blue tape over the copper on the bottom of the cartridge?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Could you remove it and re-install the cartridge?”

Customer: “Oh hey! It works!”

(I’ve never wished more that I could slap people via telephony.)

 

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Golly Gee, I’m So Smrt

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2008

Me: *notices customer walking into the store* “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for $10.”

Me: “Actually, that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVDs at?!”

Me: “My job…”

Customer: “How about if I give you $5?”

Me: “…sure.”

(I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the customer’s money. With the additional five dollars, this adds up to the normal retail price so there’s been no savings.)

Me: “Have a happy holiday.”

Customer: *winks at me*

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